I've mentioned that I'm now working with a naturopath and an acupuncturist. The naturopath has had me tracking my eating, pumped me full of supplements, upped my water intake, and has made some great points, BUT I'm not going to lie, things my come to a T at this week's appointment as I'm not really a supplement person and I'm tired of thinking so much about food. I'm still struggling to motivate myself to eat as much as I should given the amount of calories I expend most days (case in point: today's jog was definitely a jog and mentally completed as physically I didn't have it in me to run....). There are some cooking issues held over from issues that occurred in the marriage, but generally I think I just don't enjoy cooking for myself. I've been given a fairly free pass to eat more fat, cholesterol and calories.....but overly fattening and sweet things just don't taste as good these days. I'm also to be eating 100g of protein daily....which I'm still no where close and most of it is supplement based. Daily I'm taking what feels like WAY too many supplements and I honestly didn't expect a naturopath to be so supplement heavy rather than focus on suggesting more FOODS to eat.
Still working out almost daily though---good for the mood and it feels great to finally have a strong core for once. Somewhat getting burnt out on running but it's such an easy way to get a work-out in AND let's me exercise the dogs that I don't know that I truly will be quitting it any time soon. For the moment, no running pain though. Some issues with muscle recovery speed but I'm sure that's more attributed to the food/protein lack.
The counselor agreed that she thought that I was doing fine on my own and can just call her for an appointment if needed. I've started just typing things down more to get them out of my mind and it definitely helps (beyond the occasional text to a friend for feedback). I've noticed that I cycle down every 2-3 weeks just naturally about the divorce, so I need to be doing a better job of regularly writing down my thoughts and feelings throughout the process instead of just when the lower points hit.
My sleep is up and then down. About once a week or every other week, I sleep deeply and great. Other nights it takes a while to fall asleep and still others I'm just not sleeping very deeply. I've also been having some interesting dreams for the last several months :) I'm refusing to take the sleep aid the naturopath wants to put me on though, as I'd rather just struggle through it....truly naturally.
Job Hunt & Finances
Three more applications got sent out yesterday and I've got one more pulled up that I'm debating. One was submitted for a full-time research coordination position with a local health organization, a part-time career specialist with teens, and an on-call health educator. I heard back on two of the other three I had applied for--one was a no-go and the other they're still reviewing applications, however they just reposted the job again so I'm not taking that too promisingly. Also the Air Force is a no go, since I don't have a biological science undergrad. BUT I do know that the right thing will line up. I'm applying for stuff all over Portland though with some thoughts on eventually relocating if needed and IF I can find another uber-petfriendly rental.
The housemate and I have been getting along great but she just got notification that they're keeping her on past seasonal at her job downtown. A month of the commute isn't bad but now at two months, she's ready to move closer and I can't blame her. I'll be posting for another short-term house mate starting in Feb. I'm gonna miss A though--she's been a great person to share the house with and since she's out of a similar relationship situation, it's been especially good.
I'm keeping all receipts this month and have really only spent on gas and food other than the usual bills. I'm planning on doing a budget at the end of the month to look at inputs vs outputs, etc. It's pretty easy for me to not spend money actually---I've had lots of practice and in reality, I actually prefer life this way most the time. Additionally, the good news is that all my expenses are coming straight out of my account and I haven't put anything extra on my credit card. I did meet up with a couple of people socially but I either was at their place or we met cheaply over tea. I have hosted and will be hosting this month here BUT it still feels cheaper than going out for a meal and drinks with friends! And ironically when I've told my friends that I need to be cheap right now, no one has really complained and many are equally appreciative. Somehow I think I'm going to just make it through the month with what I have in my account (still supplemented from saved savings) and then the next three months I should have increased paychecks since I'm teaching more (and there's no paycheck break again til spring break). The ex and I did butt heads slightly this week via text as I'd discovered that he transferred me money, which he states is for the dogs.....but still somewhat annoys me for reasons I don't want to get into. Additionally he and I will have to rendezvous at some point end of this month to file taxes (and I've set that as the deadline to clear out the rest of the garage of his stuff.)
I'm slightly less social than I was before I started the tighter budget, but have still gotten together with several of my friends. As mentioned in my Memorable Moments, I met my buddy N down at the waterfront on a very chilly recent Sunday where we walked his dog, tried to keep warm, and drank tea. It's always really great to see him, hear his insights, and just generally spend time with someone who is so much like me in so many ways and experiences. He just started seeing a new lady, so I'm stoked to get to meet her too! On Saturday I met up at a tea house in NE PDX which is about a half way for my gal N and I. It seriously was so good to really sit down and catch up over the last few months, even if most of what I felt I needed advice on I wasn't able to share until later in the afternoon via text. I really enjoyed getting to hear some of her updates and what she's been working on in herself though---definitely a wonderful lady! The weekend before that I hosted book club here at the house and also joined my gal R for an improtu dinner at her house which was seriously delicious and great just to casually spend an early evening together. I also had a work meeting/training Friday afternoon which was sort of like a social event since everyone there is already comfortable and/or friends with each other. After the meeting, R and I chit chatted for a bit and then I drove over to my old coworker's place (who lived with D and I early last year) and spent the evening catching up with him and his lady.
Other than that I've mainly spent time with the housemate (lots of conversations about relationships) and family. My sis and her boys came for a visit to see Granny and I early January. Dad decided last minute to come up to see Granny so he and I chatted over breakfast here one morning. I created a visitation schedule for all of us to see Granny, so Thursday evenings have become my night with her (and the occasional weekend stop-by). It's been fun to bop over for a couple hours here or there....and as always you get sucked into whatever game she's got on the TV (she's a HUGE sports fan!). Plus on my rough afternoon/evening the other day, my aunt had me (and the housemate) up for dinner, wine, conversation, and the game---my aunt and uncle have been a HUGE support and resource through everything....
Ironically, the two questions I seem to be getting the most are......a) why did I stay with him so long when he obviously didn't treat me right? and b) when am I going to get back on the horse? While it's not worth it to explain A, all I can say about B is that it might be coming sooner rather than later....we'll see. The divorce finalization wasn't too long ago, but we're gaining on the one-year mark of the separation. I know there are lots of options out there, but I don't want to jump in too soon. However, I AM getting to that point where I feel like just getting to know other people might be fun....especially if they want to go running, snowshoeing, or uh backpacking this summer--ha ;) Part of the ease of the initial separation was that I had new fun and uplifting people to hang out with, who made me feel good about myself, and were interested in many of the same things I was. Thus people also keep asking me what I want in a new partner....and I don't know that I'm really ready to wrap my head around that yet. Some of it would be incredibly similar and yet some of it would be oh.so.different. Although honestly casually dating would probably help me figure out some of all that. For now it's entertaining watching friends try to go through their rolodex of single friends to see if they have someone they think would work....ha.ha.ha. :) Starting over at this stage is most definitely not where I saw life, but oh well, I can imagine it's going to be entertaining at least.
For now, upcoming social stuff includes hosting a couple friends to dinner here at the house on Friday and I hope to connect with my gal D in the next week or so. Book club (and our final goodbye to my gal E) is coming up in early Feb and I also plan to host a brunch in Feb for my female family members.
Reading through the Bible again has been a good thing. This morning I sat in front of the fire with light snow dusting down out the windows as I plowed through the rest of the scheduled reading for this month and started in briefly on February. If I remember correctly last time I followed this program, I think I finished early in September and I'm hopeful I can do something similar this year too. But for a lot of reasons reading regularly or almost regularly has been really good for me.
I haven't been back to church yet. I'm not sure why I'm hesitant, but I've been meaning to at least listen to some of the sermons online....
I should be praying more....but right now, I'm not exactly sure what to say, other than something like "Well, G, I guess you've got this, yea?!"
The dogs are doing well--recovered from their illness and always anxious for ever more attention, car rides, and outdoor fun. I took them for their annual shots on Saturday (to Petco via Luvmypet) and was able to get both done in the same morning. Roxi was incredibly nervous this go around but she actually did great with the other dogs in the long line. I'd left Anna in the back of the car, and they let me just switch out the gals without having to come back another day or get back in line, which was Fabulous! As a reward, I tried to take them briefly to the nearby dog park---Roxi did great with the dog that was in there but was aggressive and growled at the next dog to arrive. Since she was then on a leash and all Anna does is run around sniffing stuff rather than play, there wasn't much point in hanging out there :) But overall the dogs are getting lots of love each day, are routinely begging their way onto my run/jog outings (although Anna's taken up marking territory every half mile or less), and are always excited to join on car rides.
Lady is going to desperately miss A once she moves out, as she's really taken to her and she even gets to stay sleeping on the bed with her. She's truly converted herself into a mainly indoor cat, much to my chagrin. Major....oh, Major---spends half his nights sleeping on the bed with the dogs and I....and always wakes me up between 3 and 6 to let him out for more food or into the night. I think I spoil these animals too much, but they seriously sustain me. :) The ex and I also have been staking out lines about Anna....as he still one day wants her and the idea slightly infuriates me.....
And I suppose that's most of life in a nutshell!!