Ending November with Miles & Major Smiles!

Seriously, the end of this weekend has been A-Ma-Zing! 

Saturday's Training Run:

9 miler from Sellwood Park along the east side of the river, across Hawthorne Bridge, along the west side and through the waterfront development area, down Macadam, and across the Sellwood Bridge where these pictures were taken. It was hailing when I left lunch at my cousin's, but Amy and I had a chilly yet beautiful afternoon jog! Hoping to make a full 11-mile loop next weekend, but I felt good enough that I could have run the full half during this training run.

I spent the rest of yesterday evening getting the chickens settled for the cold weather, taking care of things around the house, reading through a few magazines for fun, and then finished my online grading.

This morning's Ugly Sweater 5k along the waterfront:

Seriously was a lot of fun albeit icy in spots and chilly. Brady and I kept the pace relaxed and the four of us pretty much jogged together for the whole thing. It was so good to see the other two in our group, catch up on their lives, and talk about other race options coming up. The volunteers they had cheering at the event were so fun, we all got new beanies, cocoa post-race, and beers/cider. For a $35 entrance, I really have to give it up to this event--so much fun and definitely got us ready for some holiday cheer! :)

Post-race I was supposed to meet up with one of my favorite gals for happy hour but her family and her weren't feeling well......and I'd heard there was good snow on the mountain yesterday....and the sun was shining.....so even though the weather report said C-O-L-D, I gobbled up some Thanksgiving leftovers, quickly showered from the run, and loaded the dogs and I up in our winter gear to head to one of our favorite mountain trails......

G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S! Absolutely amazing. The snow wasn't thick enough yet to need the snowshoes so eventually I just shoved them into my pack but the powder was so incredibly beautiful, the dogs and I were all smiles, and there were so many moments when I thought to myself "wow, this is my every day existence....it's pretty incredible all things considering....."

The beauty of arriving at the trailhead at 2pm on a Sunday? Afternoon sun peeking through...and not another soul on trail....just the way we like it :)

Look at the snow stuck to her muzzle! My new coat and pants were absolutely perfect...it was so cold that I even had multiple layers under both, two pairs of warm socks, my thickest winter gloves, and a beanie!

Roxi's attempt at her snow angel...she loves to roll around on her back in the snow :)

Pano of Lower Twin Lake. The sun was just about to set so we turned back here.

SO cold that my still damp hair froze also!

The sun set behind the trees on our way down trail.... the views were amazing and even the photos could never truly capture the beauty of it all...

Once we loaded back in, I drove over to another one of my favorite snowshoe spots to check out the depth there and to catch a few last moments of light on the mountain. 

SUCH an incredibly beautiful end to the long weekend...and truly made me realize how much these parts of my life bring such joy & happiness to who I am. THIS is the life I want and love to live.

And I even still got my homework done...and a homecooked meal in! :)

Spring Time is My Jam

Flowering tree outside the state building near massage school.

The view from the bridge looking down onto the Willamette River & Waterfront Park in downtown Portland.

"Tulip" tree from up the street...so messy but so beautiful!

Happy Monday y'all! So I'm just going to put this out there--I have a few more scheduled posts up my sleeve, but the new term starts tomorrow and there's no guarantee that I won't fall back off the planet until summer "break," but we'll see. :)

Last night I got back to my home, took in my surroundings, mowed the lawn, relished the flowering cherry trees, took the dogs on a jog, and then ate dinner while a breeze came though the open windows. It was 66 degrees and sunny! And here's the thing that came to me....the next 6ish months are totally my "on" time of year. I love the newness of spring--the showers, the flowers, the sunbreaks through the gray, the cool crisp mornings that lead into sunny afternoons. AND I love summer: the growth, the sunshine, the mix of excitement and laziness in the air, the smell of fresh cut grass and turned over earth, the warming of the river, the warm embrace that nature provides that encourages us to be active. AND I love the first few months of autumn too: the hot days of September, the beginning of the changing of the leaves, that feeling that there's a few more fun short-sleeved adventures to get in before winter. Seriously the next six months in Oregon tend to be incredible. I definitely still enjoy the winter, but late spring/summer/start of fall....that is totally my jam.

I honestly feel like this whole Lenten period has been so good for my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul. While I wouldn't say that I feel completely healed, I do feel much more in balance and closer to my truest sense of self than I have in a long time. I feel like my own internal winter is closing down as I head into the newness of spring, the awesomeness of summer, and the season of growth and enjoyment that is ahead. I haven't forgiven everything and everyone, but my heart is headed in that direction...and I'm trying hard to trust that life is going to work out for the better. I'm beginning to truly believe that some doors shut or were kept in holding patterns in order to allow a sense of what is important or maybe to kick butts back to their foundation...because truly I feel like the last few weeks have done just that--sent me back to my foundation.

For the first time since I moved to Louisiana almost five years ago, I feel like advocacy and steps toward environmental improvements truly are worth my time and energy. Yes, there are so many out there who don't care, but part of what I realized during my day of volunteering is that if I do nothing toward counteracting the steps of those who purposefully damage the Earth....then I'm really just continuing to be part of the problem. (And all this I say as I hypocritically drive around in my SUV, etc.) This re-engagement with the things that matter to me extends beyond just the environment though and has also reawakened in me the same drive (although slow and small at the moment) toward making a difference and trying to be a better example toward people in general. Whether that's doing more for the homeless, figuring out how to donate more time/money, reconnecting and healing my own family and friend relationships, or finally taking that trip to do some mission work in Africa. The jadedness that arose based on increased exposure to those outside my family and social circle has begun to dissipate and I'm feeling some of my old optimism return....even if this means needing to be surrounded by those of likeminds and optimistic energy in order to continue in this pattern .....and even if I still am unsure that I want to eventually reproduce biologically due to the state of the world and the general direction in which the environment is headed. :) At least, I feel compelled again to do something about it...

That middle picture in the set up top is an example of how things have been changing in the right direction. A few weeks before the end of last term, I made the decision to stop driving to massage school and to instead take public transportation. While it takes longer, it's actually a savings in money and allowed me to read for fun on the Max train. One morning as we crossed the bridge to the other side of the river, I looked up to see the view that I captured in that picture. Incredibly simple but yet so gorgeous and beautiful. I wanted the opportunity to snag a picture, so after class ended I walked the half mile or so back to that location and took several pictures...and from there I walked another mile or so through the streets of the city, following some of the streets I used to wander along back in the days of grad school. I used to love just being able to walk along downtown as my primary mode of transportation, taking in the sites, the people, and the seasons while allowing observations and thoughts to pass through my mind. This simple beautiful spring evening was incredibly restoring to my soul and again made me appreciate how its the simple enjoyments that truly are the most fulfilling.

Taking a month to be more gentle with my body was much needed and allowed me to run or hike just when I truly felt my muscles or soul had a yearning. Not pushing pacing was a strange change and giving myself LOTS of rest days was rejuvenating. While my sleep is still more miss than hit and my eating has been all over the board while on "vacation" the last few weeks (ice cream for lunch, say what?! :)), the acupuncture and Chinese herbs seem to be making a difference. I'm still not physically 100% but my body (and spirit) feels like it's healing in some big ways. Socially this month has been great as well as I've spent much more time reaching out and connecting with friends that are near and far. (Both my gals Christina and Caitlin are also heading back for trips again this summer...and I couldn't be more excited :)) I've also spent more time in communication with my immediate family and focusing on trying to heal some of the relationship issues that have been present. I've been very open with my parents regarding my processing and where I might need some assistance, which isn't always very easy for me to do as I generally don't like asking for help or admitting weakness. And spiritually I'm in a better place than I've been in months as well...and most days I feel God trying to tell me something or at the very least trying to get me to just trust the process. 

And that's just it...it's all still a process. There still are days where certain topics or random things make me get teary or choked up when communicating, but I've stopped trying to avoid these moments nor do I worry about changing the subject. As I work through certain issues (sometimes repeatedly, obviously), I'm allowing for stuffed emotions to be freed and new windows of opportunity to open. Holding on to hurts and hopes of the past doesn't help anyone, although I'm still needing to let go in MANY facets...and as mentioned I'm finding that in general the hopes for life that I had are still generally where I'd like life to evolve to at some point...just either solo or with a truer partner. I'm also well aware that in order for life to truly feel "stable," many, many, many things still need to line up and flow together in the next 6-9 months as well.

Honestly the best part of this whole process...has just been reconnecting and discovering an old friend...which was and again is...myself. Still evolving, still reconnecting, still forgiving, still knowing that I'll probably be an internal stress cadet for the next several months....but happy to see old parts of myself, to grant myself grace, to stand up for what I believe in, to not be walked on or taken for granted while still trying to internally love others, to begin to be proud of and comfortable in my skin, to know that while flawed, I'm still beautiful, intelligent, motivated, and simply doing the best that I can.

The ND/acupuncturist had mentioned that giving myself a deadline of Lent to work through everything might be a little unrealistic...and I definitely agree. I don't expect to have it all worked through and figured out, but already I'm incredibly happy with what has happened in all the various dimensions throughout the last couple of weeks. And I'm heading forward....looking forward to what I hope will be more positive changes and growth in the months to come--the months that tend to be my most favorite jam :)

Hometown Beach Run

My father's predictions of the weather are rarely off, but this morning luckily the sun showed it's face much longer than predicted. While the dogs and I had already put in some decent mileage Thursday, I decided that we needed to embrace the good weather and also do some mileage along the beach shores. Horsefall beach is more of your "true" beach with long open, flat coastline perfect for running and while I was in high school, they'd truck us athletes out for training by having us run mileage down the shore. Back in those days, 17 minutes one way was killer and I was counting down the minutes til we could turn around and head back to the bus :)

Today however was gorgeous:

With barely any other souls on the beach (although we did come across a handful of ATVers), the dogs had a blast just running free and we ended up going farther than I originally intended.

We ran until mile 4.4 where there was a sign posted for "no motorized vehicles, dogs, or kites beyond this point" and some big antenna were located there. I'd stopped to look for whole sand dollars and shells a couple times en route to the turn around (and did lots of processing of thoughts regarding dating, life, etc at this point as well) but we averaged a 9:44 or 10 minute pace into the wind. I knew my watch was about dead (and I left the charger in Portland), so was just hopeful that I'd make it close to the beach access spot where we'd parked before it finally shut off. (It died a mile out from the end which was good enough in my book!)

With the wind pushing us on and the sun on our faces, our return pace was 8:34 min/miles. With the tide coming back in, several times we ended up running through gentle waves, especially when I got hit by a decent sized one when I turned to wave to a passing ATV rider! :) About mile 6ish and once I'd no longer been looking, I glanced down at my feet and there it was...my almost perfect sand dollar. I scooped it up and held it gently in my free hand as we made the final distance back in. The timing of noticing it was perfect to the thought that had just passed through my mind....and I couldn't help but think to myself...."There it is, there's my heart (and my sign)...and solid and full it is...." There's a tiny, tiny hole but it's more than good enough for my liking.

And now, it's joined the other shells and collected items that reside in my car where they continually remind me of that which matters...the little natural, simple elements of life....that frequently appear just when we stop striving and pushing to make it so. 

Life Highs As of Late

So thought I'd share a few of the things that have been brightening my days as of late:

1) The dogs are SO loving these days and freely give much attention and kisses. Not that they weren't excitable two years ago, but it's amazing to see how much more happy and settled even they are...

2) I'm still in love with those black skinnies and I've worn them at least 7x since I've bought them.

3) The corner fence was rebuilt this weekend and it's TALL. Anyone who has seen my backyard knows that my back neighbors frequently are in my business (and we battle with dog issues) cause the back fence is 4.5ft tall in some places. This new corner fence is 6ft probably and with a new functioning gate. It makes my heart swoon.

4) The two guys who built the fence were highly entertaining. One was an older veteran (think 50-60 yo), who ended up leaving me a note with his number. Ballsy, but uh, I don't think I'll be calling him up. Even if he probably would build me the most awesome pallet furniture and new compost! :) Flattering all the same, and he was fun to talk to at least.

5) That day I had my car fixed....well I had to have my brakes replaced. The service guy found me enough discounts that I walked away paying only the price he'd quoted me for the brakes. In a sense, I got my seats detailed, new wipers for winter, an oil change, my tires rotated, and the car washed for the first time in months....for free. That's happiness right there. And with the pre-service vacuum job I did, my car feels like luxury.

6) My gal N and I met for dinner a couple weeks ago for the first time in months since I took my step away from socializing. She's been incredibly patient with me and it was great to catch up. Then to top it off, she sent me in the mail the new India.Arie CD. I've been listening to it for days when I drive...and it speaks straight to my heart too....

7) Both new housemates are in the house now and I think the two will balance each other out. The newest gal is also early 30s, just getting divorced after three years of marriage, traveled, originally from a small town, very involved with her family, and a runner....similarities much? I get nervous about living with women, but I'm incredibly hopeful that the next three months are going to fall into a great routine and go smoothly.

8) Last weekend my cousin hosted a movie night and BBQ in her backyard. It'd be a rough few days, but it was so good to sit among family and their friends and just soak up one of the last really nice days of summer. I also was able to contribute a delish blueberry & rhubarb crisp.

9) Got most my copies for the term made yesterday and was able to prep the courses as much as possible. I'll still have to look over notes etc prior to lecture, but at least exams, study guides, lecture slides, assignments, calendars....all are ready to go. Inservice is today and I'm excited.

10) Somehow upping my mileage has made my jogs turn back into runs and my body feel great while it's moving. The other evening I went out for a jog and it ended up being one of the best runs I've had in months. I must have been close to a 8min pace if not under. The jog I'd done the day before I wore my watch and in so doing realized that even when I feel like I'm moving slow, a lot of those days I'm still moving at under 9mins. Happiness!

11) Crisp mornings and gray days have arrived. Leaves are changing on campus. The down comforter is back on my bed. And we've had some of our rain return. (Including unusual Southern like thunderstorms!) Six months of this non-stop might be tiring, but in the beginning it always feels great. I'm already day dreaming about soups to make in the crock pot, roasted fall veggies, and....Thanksgiving :)

12) A new ethnic cuisine was had the other night (Venezuelan arepas). One of my colleagues has transitioned to the same position at another campus that my good buddy has at our campus, so I arranged an outing for them to meet. It was fun sitting with the three of them (buddy's lady joined too), chatting, and trying out new food.

13) Life isn't perfect. It's never going to be perfect. It was a year of struggle...but I'm hopeful, very hopeful that I'm headed into a year of renewal...still learning, still evolving, but going somewhere forward. Having that general returned hope....well that in itself is pretty rewarding. And in some ways, I feel like I'm ready to start "passing it on".....

Hope y'all are enjoying the transition into fall. Sending happiness and love to each of you.

A 31st Birthday Weekend

So just for the record, I've decided that I'm officially 29 again...so let's just set things straight :)

But I seriously had a most phenomenal week seeing so many old friends I hadn't seen in years and going on the backpacking trip, and the weekend celebrations were just the tip of the iceberg.

On Friday evening my cousin and I headed out to the local Hillsboro Hops baseball game:

A gorgeous sky view from the grassy "general admission" seating.

We left early in the 5th inning since the score was already 9 to 2 in the 2nd inning! :) And from there we headed over to the nearest McMenamins brewery for food and our favorite Ruby brews.

On Saturday, I ran errands and finished putting the final touches on the yard/house for the weekend BBQs. A late afternoon jog with the dogs and a hop in the shower just before Tall D showed up to start getting his movie screen ready. Altogether I think there were 15ish of my friends and their significant others who made it over to get good food, mingle and laugh, and share great beverages. It was SO wonderful to see many of my favorite local faces and to be surrounded by people who bring me so much joy. Tall D had made his amazing from scratch carrot cake and I can tell you that it was completely gone by 5pm the next day (seriously, his cake is amazing....). While just a small handful of us remained, we finally put the outdoor movie on at about 1030 (my poor neighbors!) but it was great lounging in the backyard laughing along to Hitch. :) Tall D did an amazing job with his outdoor screen and it was great to see his idea come to fruition. 

Tailend to the BBQ with just a handful of people still present on the patio

This year's amazing cake.

The next morning on Sunday (my actual day), Tall D and I went out to brunch after cleaning up the house. He treated me to a great local establishment here on the westside and I had an amazing pesto BLT on croissant and a garden Bloody Mary to start the day off right. After dropping me back off, I got the house ready again as my parents pulled up. An hour later the house was full again with many of my extended family, Granny, my parents, and my brother and his lady. Again, it was so wonderful to just be surrounded by so many of my loved ones. (Although ironically, Mom and Dad had Granny's audiologist come by to finish fixing her hearing aids.....so we had an intermingling of business and pleasure...ha!) Two of my aunts, my uncle, Granny, and my brother and his lady hung around until almost 5pm...and it seriously was just so great to have everyone around this year. I can't think of a better "gift" than to be surrounded by the people that you love on special days. 

With Mom, Dad, and Granny

This lady makes every day a special one...

Add on to that the texts and Facebook messages that arrived from many of my Argentine "family" and friends and all my out of state gals. Seriously, so much love.

My house is full of fresh cut flowers. My wine rack is full and my beer is restocked. My fridge has plenty of left overs. There are a few items from Mom and Dad and several gift cards for food or other goods for my use from a couple relatives. The cards were even especially funny this year! And I have to say, Tall D went over and above and gifted me $100 to REI (for hiking boots....or snowshoes....or part of a starter bike....).

But seriously, more than anything...was the time people took to just be present...and to express their love. Because that more than anything is the best gift of all....

Might be one of the best birthdays yet....

An Ephesians Reminder

So I don't know about y'all....but some days God just calls me to go to church. And yes, I know I should be going to church probably every Sunday, but for a few Sundays in there I wasn't really being spiritually fed and Christmas was just r-o-u-g-h and left me questioning. I'm still questioning...but that doesn't mean that the Big Dude isn't still trying to break through to my jaded lil heart....and shake me upside down and then put me on my feet again....

So last night I knew in my heart that I was supposed to go to church this morning in a big bad way....and I did....and well, (big surprise), it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I mentioned that the date on Friday provoked a lot of great thoughts and insights--much of which is exactly the type of stuff that I've been needing to think about....and church this morning sort of wrapped around some of those same themes...but in a different and of course, bigger way.

And I took notes...so this post is a summary of what I got out of the service (which currently they are journeying through Ephesians).

The pastor summarized part of what he'd preached about last Sunday (which was great because it also was a good message...and it's just good practice to re-lay the groundwork...).
1) The EGO is what we think of ourselves. 2) REPUTATION is what others think about us. (and what we tend to be too concerned about...although people think about us MUCH less than we think) But 3) IDENTITY is what God thinks/feels IS you. The Church is there to be a body of people who are experiencing and EXPRESSING Jesus.

Starting out with today's scripture: Ephesians 1: 3-8.
God HAS already blessed us---He created and predestined us. He already gave us in life everything that we need, although the Devil (and I thought: society) tries to blind us from this knowledge (so that we are constantly seeking, desiring, wanting more, or trying to find other things to fill us or provide us with the knowledge of who we are...EVEN THOUGH we ALREADY KNOW IT). Sometimes our actions can lead God to wonder "You're not acting like who you are.....do you not know who you are (or who I made you to be)?", even though He already has provided us with all of the answers. We can move forward in our potential (who we are and who we are destined to become) based on what God has already provided to us and within us.

Then there were 3 additional key points:
Lasting Choice---God doesn't regret His choice in creating each of us...He already knew who we would become and He remains steadfast in His choice (love) of us. (He loves us unconditionally.) He won't trade us in or pass over us for another model.
Loving Adoption---In Christ, each of us has a destiny to fulfill a HOPE and a FUTURE. We've been adopted from exposure/the garbage heap and we can't be disowned. Our defining moment is not based on who threw us out in this world, but rather it's who actually took us in (Lasting Choice).
Lavish Grace.

All good stuff to remember and to take to heart!

{...and also got me thinking on a few other ways to move forward...based on the person that God created me to be, the potential He granted, and the desires He's consistently placed in and on my heart (including, ahem, His and my conversation on that embankment when He told me again....to just GO abroad....but how does one do this with two dogs that I love and refuse to give up? We're still in negotiations the Man and I.....with Him needing to show me the way....believe me, no doubt that God will continue to kick my butt exactly to where He wanted me to be anyway....)}

And here's an extra little kick for your Sunday:

THIRTY

August 11th---Thirty has arrived...and I'm honestly glad. I know I've mentioned in other posts that I feel like 30 is a good number. Twenty-five felt like an ordeal--I wasn't where I wanted to be professionally, socially, romantically, etc. Reaching thirty, I feel like I've had some great opportunities and made some great strides in life. While life isn't perfect, I'm pretty content with most areas of what I've been able to achieve and I can't sweat the small stuff TOO much over the areas that also are dependent on others.

There are a ton of unknowns in my life right now: the marriage situation, securing a second job, affording the rental long term BUT I also believe in myself and in my abilities. I've had to see my own strength in the last few years and also continually recognize how much God provides even if it's not on my time schedule, and while I still definitely have major moments of insecurity, I feel like I have to believe that all the unknowns will slowly take care of themselves--especially since they always do. Even when life is "tough," I'm cognizant of the reality that my life is not really THAT tough and that I have been incredibly fortunate and blessed throughout the thirty years I've been on this planet.

In the last month, I feel that I've really started to re-think about what I want out of my future and what I want out of this year. There were several things that I'd been wanting to do or acquire for the last several years that I went ahead and either took care of or added to my growing list of things to do THIS year. One of my most recent thoughts has been "why have I been waiting?" I've been fairly cautious about money my entire life and splurging on multiple items has always made me feel guilty, but in the last month or so, I've finally been granting myself permission to trust that finances will be provided and that it's okay to pursue more of those life wants and goals.

Case in point. I've been wanting a real dish pattern for two years and it was a request I'd put into Tall D last summer. I don't know why I'd waited for his permission/mutual desire/involvement to make that purchase, but this summer when I found that Pier 1 pattern that I fell in love with, I finally bit the bullet and bought 10 large dishes, 10 bowls, and 4 adorable mugs....plus 10 other mid-size plates I also loved.

Case in point. I got my first small tattoo when I was 18. A blue cross on my right hip region. I'd spent my high school career wearing (& ruining thanks to chlorine, etc) various cross necklaces as there was always something about a cross ON my body that made me feel safer. When I turned 15, I vowed to my Poppa that when it was legal, I'd get one tattooed....and I did four days after my 18th birthday thanks to the funds of my oldest brother. (I've also kept it covered and hidden from Dad in the last 12 years.....so family don't sell me out yet--bahaha!) For the last ten or so years, I've wanted a Christian fish tattoo somewhere or a Christian dove. In the last 5-8 years, I've desired a seagull cause I absolutely love them. So this July, I finally bit the bullet and purchased BOTH a Christian fish made of bent nails AND a seagull in flight. Both are still in coverable areas but it feels rewarding to finally have acquired something so frivolous but meaningful to me...and something that I've been waiting to do for years now.

Case in point. I love my lifetime out-of-state friends. I love to travel. I long have had desires to make the longer and more spendier trips to see my friends. I don't know how many times I've told my gal D over the years that I'd fly cross country to see her. For two years, my girls and I had discussed visiting Caitlin in Arizona. This year, I'm making trips happen. I spent the long, life altering April weekend in San Antonio. Brook and I fulfilled our amazing Arizona road trip to see our great gal Caitlin. Tickets to Savannah to spend 10 days with Deir and my other gals purchased and scheduled.

So what else is on the docket for this year? Oh, all sorts of things---some are listed on the blog sidebar, others will be edited and added or deleted as the year evolves. But two things I am banking on completing: finally fulfilling my dream of volunteering in Africa and 12 years later finally making a return trip to see my host families, friends, and additional places I'd wanted to see in Argentina. Both trips will be spendy, but both trips CAN happen. I also have added to the lifetime list some of the additional fun things I've been wanting to do for years, such as learning to surf, kayak, etc...and someday own a Great Pyrenees. I've taken the time to re-evaluate the old lifetime desires of my heart to ensure that they're still the dreams and goals that I desire...and I've only further reaffirmed my desire to continue to travel, to make a difference to the lives of others, and to someday in the next 7-8 years save enough and have life settled enough to adopt internationally. I've taken the time to reflect upon where the 16 and 20 year old versions of myself wanted to be in five, ten, fifteen years...and it's sort of funny how many of those values, goals, and ideals are still the ones that ring true in the 30 year old version of me today. In some ways, I'm beginning to again think of how to truly make those values, goals, and ideas be PUT INTO ACTION.

Thus this year of 30, I've decided is all about living out my desires in a mindful and smart fashion. It's also about keeping my word and living with intention. AND it's also about setting the foundation for the next decade to come. Thirty is still young enough to plan lofty goals for the future, to be a mover and shaker, to make alterations to my larger life plan as needed, and to continue to dream. Yet thirty is also old enough to know better, to understand a bit more how the world works, to trust more in myself and in God, to have seen that both good and bad things can happen, to understand that what's right isn't always what's the most fulfilling, to have achieved enough to recognize that professional goals do arrive, and to acknowledge that plans and goals will always need changing. While I have to see that the finances are continued to be provided, there also might be moments of my just.plain.having.to.trust, and hope, and believe. Thirty, it appears, is about being settled even further in who I am while realizing that this version of me is always slowly evolving and changing. It's about moving forward and yet remembering others. It's about forgiving myself and making myself even better. It's about creating, restoring, embracing, and challenging. But regardless of what it is....thirty feels good and thirty is going to continue to make things happen.

Here's to hoping and believing in a great year ahead...both for you and for me!!

PS....If you want to know how long I've been a (slight) control freak and maybe a (tad bit) anal retentive (especially about special events)...... I was born weighing 8lbs11oz on 8/11. Coindence? I think not.

Pursuing Happiness: Garden Growth, Dog Packs, & Food for Thought

Yesterday had the best of intentions and I've been in a great space the last few days....but then I had a disappointing afternoon as two of the U Picks I tried to visit for blueberries for jam making and freezing were both closed and I received a postcard in the mail stating that I wasn't considered for one of the three jobs I've applied for recently--this job being the one I had the most faith in. As much as I know job rejections are standard in a heavily educated population like Portland, it still was a slight ego blow and worry inducing, especially since I'd worked closely with one of the supervisors before...and the whole thing just left me majorly assessing my financial situation. (I have a decent amount of savings...I just don't want to blow through it all for living expenses.) To be honest there are a lot of "fun" things I'd hoped to budget for in the next two months, but until I have a housemate or job lined up, I don't feel enough freedom to pursue completing those dreams. Luckily Tall D is being a great support in terms of us maintaining a friendship and for the third time in the last week, he showed up over here and hung around until he could tell I was in a better place. During which, we ran to both Costcos to look at TVs and he cut me the split-payment-deal so that we both won out in the end... and then he came over to get it all set up.

....but beyond his support, really two things brought me a great deal of happiness yesterday:

Watering the Garden and seeing it really starting to produce:

Garlic heads

Kolarobi in the middle, carrots on the left, strawberries on the right. The plastic mesh is my make-shift way to keep the chickens out so starts/seeds had a chance! Blackberries and mint in the background, and cilantro & green onions to the right.

Lil' tomatoes are just starting to come on....and even the pepper plants are blooming.

Added rows of string and tightened the rows already there to help the snow peas and green beans fare better in their attempt to climb up. 

Artichoke plant is large and in charge....and for the second year has two artichokes on it!

U-Picks might not be open, but the last two nights allowed me to pick black and blueberries from the yard. Rinsed and put up to freeze.

And in my initial disappointment, I hauled five loads of dirt back to the coop area for fill-in. (Somehow when the guys hauled the dirt out, we'd forgotten that it'd all have to come back in.....) Note: There's a reason wheelbarrows started being made more cheaply, these old metal ones are HEAVY!! Coop is progressing!

Reason #2: Anna's Hiking Pack Arrived!

Tall D ordered her a pack so she can carry her own food & water when they do longer hikes...and she seriously LOVED it. She ran around the house with that huge smile...and then was completely disappointed when the pack came off and she wasn't taken on a hike at 10pm! :)

AND One More Thing For Good Measure: Per usual Flower Patch Farmgirl also had some great posts that struck home with me yesterday, but really this guest writing stuck out to me the most and also got me thinking about needing to just TRUST and follow in God's direction for the next year....something I haven't been too great at doing in the last few years. Regardless of finances, regardless of Tall D's and my mess, regardless of all the minuscule details....the Big Man has never failed to provide and I need to remember that He won't fail me (or Tall D or you dear reader or any of us) now...especially if we remember to trust in and truly follow Him. I honestly need to stop putting my hope in anyone but Him.

Ironically to go along with all the above thoughts, today's email Bible verse from KLove is "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." --Psalm 37:4

Here's hoping that TODAY, this Wednesday is a better one than yesterday for all of us!