However I'd like to take this opportunity to list out some of the ways I feel that I've already been fearless in the last half of 2012:
---followed thru with my word and visited my friends in GA and AZ using savings to get there
---took solo day-trip to fulfill my lifetime desire to further explore Charleston, SC
---took up running again and completed half-marathon distance on my own
---hiked to the summit of kings mtn with the dogs this summer and didn't worry about my fear of heights
---engaged in activities that make me uncomfortable: girls only backpacking, attending parties solo, branching out socially, went to a movie by myself
---agreed to the divorce and signed the papers; admitted defeat
---trusted God to provide and let myself be angry when I felt He had let me down
---turned down a job in belief that something better would present itself
---tried out new hobbies that I've always wanted to do
---asked for help via counseling, social support, and utilizing other health services
---calling out the ex, supporting him as I could, and ultimately cutting ties with him
Now, granted, not all of these choices have been the easiest and not all of them have put me in the best position. I have a decent chunk of change hanging out on my credit card due to not having additional supplemental income and as mentioned December was an internal steady decline BUT....that's part of the reason why I'm glad to be approaching 2013 as an entire year of Fearless and am working on MAKING more opportunities happen to meet my goals.
In the last two weeks (and this week especially) some decisions have been made:
---I've been trying to contact the AF Health Professional recruiters about becoming a Public Health Officer. This is something I looked into earlier last year also. Ironically, I'm maybe the only person in the world who struggles to get the military recruiters that I want to actually call me back. My three weeks of attempted contact (and my buddy that I sent to the office in WA) all have gone unanswered. But what I keep telling those I've shared with about this: when you're broke, bored, looking for a direction/challenge, enjoy telling people what to do, and think it'd be awesome to get paid to work out every day, joining the military is the perfect solution. The Air Force is definitely the route to go. Ironically the Navy is actively recruiting for similar positions but I just don't know how I feel about the Navy vs AF....and there's a good chance that this whole idea won't go anywhere anyway. I've contacted a lot of my vets or military friends and most of them think I'd do really well in the military....so we'll see.
---I un-enrolled from classes yesterday. I'd gone back and forth about this decision, but my final choice yesterday came down to two things. 1) I really want to pay off my debts rather than continue to accumulate more and 2) I don't want to go back to school until I really feel passionate that it's what I want to do. The last week I've had some funny dreams, some of which pertained to me sleeping thru or blowing off class---only further making me realize that I wasn't really into it yet. I didn't completely shut the door on the opportunity, as I emailed the instructors to let them know that right now wasn't the right time but perhaps in a year it might be. (Yesterday also saw me wondering if there might be a way to financially make it worth it to go back for my PhD.)
---I have applied for three daytime jobs to supplement my teaching position and am going to be consistently searching for others; all three of the positions thus far are incredibly different. One is management based and full-time, one is research based and part-time, and one is education/marketing based and full-time. Not sure any of them would pan out BUT I feel energized to keep trying until I land something to help me pay off the bills/debts and build up savings. I also have realized that I NEED something to distract me and to pour myself into beyond teaching, which is another reason I decided that this year I need to work rather than study.
---I had to text my parents and let them know that based on my decisions yesterday, I might have to suck up my pride and let them help me financially for a month or two until I can secure additional employment. Definitely not what I want to do whatsoever, especially since I was raised to be incredibly independent and I've been taking care of my own financial needs since I was 22 or 23. However as much as having to ask for help is difficult, I also recognize how incredibly fortunate I am to have parents that are able to assist, especially as I recognize not everyone has that option. I also recognize I'm incredibly stubborn, so just having them potentially going to help is extra incentive to get my butt in gear and secure an extra job so that hopefully their assistance was a suggestion rather than a reality-ha!
A) 2013 Clothes Challenge--already explained....
B) but really it's a bigger part of an attempt to FREEZE SPENDING. I really have more than what I need period...and all fall I allowed myself one to three social outings a week with friends because I knew I needed the social interaction to keep me going....but I'm not going to lie...that social interaction has been piling up on my credit card. SO while I'm still wrapping my mind around what this should look like, I'm trying to figure out how to spend incredibly minimally. It's so much easier to just make a standard "I'm not going to spend on anything other than groceries and gas...." but I also know that life doesn't always work that easily, especially when I'm a social creature with friends spread all across the city. Ironically yesterday worked out perfectly...as a gal pal called me in the morning and wondered if I'd come over for dinner---a great way to still socialize and not spend much (gas & a regifted bottle of vino). So again, this no spending goal is in development but is definitely on my radar.....here potentially comes a year (or at least six months) of socializing on the cheap...and not buying much of anything extra.
C) Reading through the Bible again this year. I'm not going to lie, my faith held me together initially during the divorce but Christmas found me questioning some things. Last time I read through the Bible in 2008, it was really good for my soul, balanced me out, and brought me further into a life of simplicity. I'm hopeful the same thing will happen this year, but regardless being in the Word almost daily (I have a tendency to read ahead on the plan) should be good for me.
---For now I've put counseling on hold. I recognize that there are still some things I'll need to work on, especially when I do start dating, but I honestly feel like between sessions I was processing through much of my realizations and issues already and really just reporting life to her when we did meet. I sent her an email yesterday to let her know my decision so we'll see what her reply thoughts are.
---Yesterday while looking for jobs, I also found a few potential volunteer options. Getting involved and giving back is something I want to engage in during this year of Fearless 2013.
There will be other items I know. But the items listed above are my biggest focuses currently for 2013. I know there will be new ways to push myself out of my comfort zone (skydiving?! even though it's against the no spending idea.....) and new physical challenges (maybe something other than running and Insanity, I'm starting to crave a new focus). I still want to follow-thru on my trips that I'd hoped to take as part of my Year 30 goals, even though I know it will be difficult to achieve. Part of this fearless year is going to again be trusting that life will work out but also realization that I have the strength to make this life be something also. It's not going to be easy to stay in this mindframe but I'm incredibly, incredibly hopeful...and really that's all I can ask for! Yesterday was the first time that I greeted someone with "Happy New Year" and I actually really, truly meant it.
Some great strides have been made and pondered on in this first week of January....
So here's looking ahead to the rest of a Fearless 2013.