It's the word facing me from my bathroom mirror, written in hippy eyeliner (a sweet little trick I tell my students about, as putting a quote or word there ensures that we'll see it and think on it multiple times a day). It's a word that cuts straight to my heart, pulls my shoulders back, boosts my determination and confidence, and makes me think about moving forward....straight into whatever 2013 has in it.
2013....not excited. Not sure why, but there's something about the sound or the view of the numbers of the year that just makes me think...."ugh." Ha. In the words of drunk John who shared a table with the housemate and his random friends and I to ring in the new year "let's bypass 2013 and cut to 2014." I agree, I have good feelings about 2014, while 2013 feels, in my gut, like the year that will hem..and haw....and continue to push me a lil more toward crazy.
2012...was a year of changes. Although while ringing in the new year just one year ago I never in a million years would have imagined where life would be now. Again our tablemates' sentiments ring true here "would you ever have thought you'd be sharing a table with us on this new years?!" Nope. And honestly one year ago today I was completely believing that the hub and I were on a gradual uphill swoop--things felt good and I'd never felt so totally like our lives were our own little family. New Years last year was a complete blast. BUT I've also spent the better part of this evening encouraging my housemate that "things happen for a reason" and that "changes that we don't want, only mean that there's something more or something better around the corner." I'm sure I'm equally saying these things for myself, as much as I am to encourage her.
Regardless of what was and what is.....we had a fun New Years--both of us wiped from the snowshoe trip leading up to a lazy evening. I wasn't going to let the housemate be home by herself on New Year's and I'd had a few offers of things to do this evening. (Ironically, I swear this is the year where it's dawned on my friends and I that we're slowing down---we yawn by 10pm and we want low key celebrations.) By 9pm we both had showered, snacked, rested, and we headed out for dinner and beers at McMenamin's Grand Lodge (one of several locations of a popular microbrewery in Portland), where free live music is routine. After a great dinner and some good brews, we made the circuit to check out which music venue would be best, and settled on a really awesome "show" in the quaintest little venue on the property. While sitting next to a roaring fire in a cozy lil cabin setting, we listened via front row to John Bunzow & Bobby Cole --absolutely great sound, great lyrics, and Bobby Cole's harmonica playing was amazing. About 11:20, the empty half of our table was joined by part of a group of highly entertaining folks, and we had quite a few laughs shared between us :)
2013--maybe not the year I would have expected, but a year full of opportunity instead. Looking back on this last half of 2012, I'm proud of all the experiences I created and all the goals I achieved, many of which were items I'd put on the back burner for years and many of which depended on me being fearless already. The hardest transition has been that of depending on others less and re-realizing that I can 100% depend upon, believe, and trust in myself.....maybe that will be part of a fearless year. However fearless already saw me travel to see many friends and follow through with my word. Fearless saw me learn to push myself physically and achieve my half-marathon goal. Fearless has seen me in uncomfortable social situations, trying new hobbies, and reaching out for help when I neared the bottom. Fearless has much left on its plate however.....and....
Fearless is somewhat inspired by this blog post.
Fearless is needed to remove the tension from my back and to encourage me to trust that all things will work out as they should. I'm still learning to listen, I'm still working on patience, and I've been continuing to think on where all this next year should go---lots of options, but no doubt it'll be down to the wire before any decisions solidify. Fearless might also make 2013 the year that I read through the Bible again, the year that I get involved in mission work, the year that I learn (again) to budget and to participate in a spending diet or fast. Fearless makes me believe in the actions of ordinary individuals. And fearless has me reflecting upon how glad I am to be doing things like showing my housemate aspects of Portland. Fearless has me applying to jobs and....really just believing that the right path will
Fearless ain't always easy......and fearless will need reminders, but fearless is exactly what I need as I move forward. Fearless.
So tell me what does 2013 have in store for you? Is there a word or any goals that you think will fit best into the year to come?