A Couple Big Thoughts:
1) As much as I talked about just starting over somewhere new...I've decided to buckle down and attempt to stay put for at least the next two months. For the last 12 years, I've made a move or school transition every year. Not engaging in self-inflicted change when I'm in such an uncomfortable place in life will be a MAJOR challenge....but one that I think that might be the best decision. I need to prove to myself that I can make it on my own if needed (especially at 30) and I also need to ensure that I have improved continuity in both work and location.
2) I've honestly barred my soul to Tall D about the nut case I've been this summer and how much I believe in the marriage we set out to have. I've come to realize that the only one who can save the marriage is God...with the assistance of some pretty decent counselors. Regardless saving the marriage and becoming better versions of ourselves is what I've been praying for daily. I've also been asking people in my life to pray every day too...as there is much greater strength in numbers.
Changing Seasons
--This morning I woke up dismayed with the chill in the air, as I've been fighting the excitement of many to be heading into fall. However this evening, I'm sitting wrapped in fuzzy blankets, pumpkin spice candle burning, red wine in hand, and slightly relishing the season that is to come.
--Ironically fall is by nature my favorite season...I've just been hanging on to the sun and summer as long as possible...and I'm going to do my darnest to not get dismayed as we head into snuggle-perfect weather.
--I've decided it's time for me to truly learn to appreciate...football.
Work
--There's finally a new hire to take over my veterans position. I'm headed in officially tomorrow to turn in my keys and finalize paperwork, and I'll sit down with the new hire to get him up to speed on this year to come. Its been a wonderful job, but with life in shambles...I've been very ready to trade in this position.
--We're between summer and fall terms. Final grades went in last week and I'm already getting emails from my fall term students. I'll be editing syllabi in the next few weeks and prepping for the term that'll start the end of this month.
--I've got one app out currently for my old Louisiana position that had an opening in Salem...and once this month settles down, I'll be applying for other jobs that seem fitting.
Home & Yard
--Yard work still needs to be finalized. I'm planning on focusing on wood chips, grass seeding,and the raised beds will probably need to be put to rest soon.
--I still need to harvest the carrots but I think it's going to be too cold for the rest of the tomatoes.
--Even with staying for the next few months, I'm hoping to repaint one of the painted rooms back to white.
--I have this great idea for new photos for the house from all my recent travels.
Food & Preservation
--Apples are currently in the dehydrator. Pears are in the fridge waiting for me to make canned pears and potentially pear butter.
--I've been improving my skill set in the kitchen....even if K and I have been doing much culinary tasting outside of the home on this visit.
--Chickens are still big time laying. Took another bag to the landlords today.
Fun Times & Socialization
--I'm really glad that Miss Katie was able to come for a visit and I'm seriously going to miss her awesome companionship after her return to Georgia. Today we hit up Stepping Stone for breakfast and wandered around my favorite strip of NW Portland. An afternoon at home for Katie to work on homework (she's probably stoked that I'm now a college instructor!) and so I could run, and then an evening of Burgerville dinner, errands, and a Target shopping trip.
--I'm realizing that I need to keep busy to stay sane and less lonely, so I'm glad I have some interesting and fun things planned for the days after Katie's vacated. Part of the difficulty of this separation has been having to tell friends that I'm really struggling with being lonely....but I've been so happily surprised to see so many rise to the occasion.
--Next week my cousin A and I are visiting our baby cousin in Tacoma and then we have book club as well. I'll need to arrange a few more days of plans...and then before I know it "summer" will be over...not that I won't still have much free time until a new job is acquired too.
--I'd like to maybe get another hike in within the next month...and I've got to do something about this goal and desire toward fishing!
--Definitely open to more visitors!
Family
--I've really been relishing growing closer to one of my cousins. It's been great getting to spend more time with her and she's been a wonderful supporter as well.
--My visit with my mom was much different than the one from earlier this summer--very low key but great to share time together. (Some concerns as it's apparent that her retention skills have decreased in recent years...but hopefully it's something that will regulate rather than increase.)
--Dad's biopsy....not totally clean and clear but it sounds like they're going to monitor and we'll hope that what is there won't grow. Yet another fear in a potential long holding pattern....but we'll continue to enjoy the moments that we all do have together and hope that those moments continue!
Goals
--Tonight I ran 4.9 miles and could have gone further. I'm thinking a 10k at least might not be too far in my future...and wondering if I could make the jump to a half for fun sooner rather than later. Currently I'm registered to do The Color Run at the end of this month...but I've been contemplating whether I can fit in a few other races before the end of year.
--Still figuring out how to make more of the year 30 goals reach completion, but know that I'll be steadily on my way...especially once I get some additional income to make some of the travel options more viable again.
--I have a new lead on another counselor--left a message today for an initial appointment for the next week.
Way to go on the run!
ReplyDeleteI think it's good to be aware of the fact that we are lonely and to learn how to reach out to others. That is something I have struggled with in the past as I hate asking for help and by saying you are lonely, you are asking for help. But I try to remember that if the tables were turned, and a friend was telling me they were lonely, I'd jump at the chance to keep them company... and I know they would/will do the same for me.
I know you are going through a rough/tough patch right now in your marriage, so I, too, will keep you in my prayers.
Lisa, you leave some of the best comments and I so appreciate them. You're definitely correct in the difficulty of asking for help. My mother used to tell me that sometimes someone else needs to be needed though and that asking for help allows that person to meet their own need while also meeting yours. (She also used to say that it was okay to say no to opportunities if it didn't feel right even if you felt obligated, as it'd open an opportunity for someone else who might need it more...some good gems!) Thank you so much for the prayers. I'm trying to hope...and I'm praying daily but it might be a while before any real signs appear....
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