I'm feeling quieter. I'm processing. And I'm doing lots of researching...of options. Not all of which I care to share about.
What I will share is the following:
-Sometimes I really feel like I need to move. I need a new experience. A new start. A new location. An adventure--something to motivate, lead, and meet all my financial needs.
-Sometimes PDX feels too small to contain oneself and one's ex-spouse.
-Sometimes we wonder about all the what ifs and what haves--the choices we could have made in the past that didn't pan out, the things we thought would be based on the choices we did make, the choices we could make, etc etc.
-And sometimes we put off wondering, because wondering just causes even more wondering.
In the last week (a week of no blogging?!) I've done a bit of this and a bit of that:
DECISIONS: Researched jobs, contacted recruiters. Reviewed school programs and requirements...again. Contacted Bastyr and Linfield about potential visits. Ran errands. Paid bills. Wanted to start dating and thought long and hard about the reality that I'm so not ready for anything real and serious. Heck, these days I don't even know if I want to really be married again. Hemmed and hawed. Worried. Realized I'm bored. Am trying to be patient and trusting....
WORK: Finished grading. Had make-up exams. Inputted grades. Ended term. And visited my old center where I learned that the guys are not very thrilled with my replacement--sad day. Watched a documentary on the immunization debate. Looked up research potential for acupuncture & PTSD.
HEALTH: Made a real journal entry. Had a counseling appt which ended with the therapist wondering if she'd really helped--probably not, but she acknowledged that I'm in decision crunch time. -Cried. Laughed. Been annoyed. Been happy. Had my first acupuncture visit and scheduled a naturopathic visit. Went to church.
FAMILY: Talked to my parents (2x, both today). Helped finish the process of clearing out Granny's old place. Visited Granny in her new place again. Attended my cousin's holiday party and seriously had a great time chatting with her/her hub/sis and all her friends.
HOUSE: Decided not to put Christmas lights on my house. Almost burned the house down (well not really, but it did fill with smoke) due to multi-tasking and a Pinterest cooking fail. Showed three sets of contractors around the rental/property, as the landlords are taking bids on a much needed new roof. Had a great evening connecting more with my housemate.....and agreed to extend her stay into mid-end of January. Cleaned the house profusely--including wiping down almost all surfaces and for the first time ever actually mopping the kitchen floor.
DOGS: Dealt with two sick dogs (potential giardia), cleaned up their accidents, monitored their movements (fab, let me tell ya, fab), gave them pills, cooked special rice & chicken meals for them daily, return trip to the vet, and generally just lots of extra love and cuddles.
FRIENDS: Met T for happy hour. Had an awesome long evening of downtown drinking and fun with my gal R--a rough day sent us on the rounds: sushi for dinner, Papa Haydn's for dessert (I've always wanted to go), and ended at Bartini. Had two separate interactions with Tall D: Special meal prep morning for the dogs followed by accompanying him on a cross-town errand & a pre-scheduled lunch & chat that fell after Anna's vet appt. Had a phone date with one of my best gals from hs.
AND....wait for it......RUNNING & GOALS:
Today, almost best of all, I finally checked another Year 30 goal off the list: I made a total of 14 miles this afternoon! Half-marathon goal running solo is met, although technically the dogs came along---and I'm totally impressed at just how amazing they did too. Honestly I only planned to run about five miles and I set out originally without the dogs....but after making it down the street 1/10 mile I heard profuse barking gaining on me, which I recognized to be Roxi's....and recognized to mean that my two dogs were not in the yard. They were SO cute though and so excited to have figured out that this morning's contractor failed to shut the other gate, so I jogged them back and got the leashes out of the car. After hitching them up, we took off. At about mile 2.5, I realized I was feeling pretty great so decided I'd expand the loop to add an extra mile or so, except when I hit the turn around spot, I realized I would totally be able to keep going at least to the boys appt where if I really needed a ride I could probably get one, except when I got to their general area, I totally knew I could finish that loop to make at least a ten mile, and then once I hit about 8.5 miles, I figured what the heck, I felt good, I'd been smiling most the route and the dogs were holding steady, I might as well finish it out and add in some extra partial-routes to make the total half-marathon mileage. And honestly it felt good almost the whole way--no real aches or pains (I swear by acupuncture, especially since first appt was only yesterday), although I knew I'd start cramping if I stopped once I was at about mile 12. So all things considered, it turned into a 14 mile day, when I really only expected it to be a fiver.
Dogs rocked. Vibrams and feet held up fine. The rain was soothing. The wind was both a fun challenge and a motivator. My Ipod held out until 1/10 mile from the house. And I turned in the last mile nearing dark. I'm estimating about a 2hr, 30min time. Seriously---awesome. The dogs and I did it together---just like how life, this year, the future has turned out....and just as I wanted the finish for this milestone to be.