Monday, November 26, 2012

Random Rambles

Just a hodge podge of things floating around my head the last two days with some happenings thrown in:

---Apple crepes are delicious and breakfast has easily become my favorite meal of the day. Ironically it wasn't until I moved to Louisiana that I ever really ate breakfast on the regular. Two breakfast outings this long weekend was awesome, as on Saturday I grabbed breakfast with a house guest/mate of Tall D & the boys, who is going through his own divorce. Lots of time spent listening, getting in words where I saw fit, and just generally trying to support through the questions. I've been there, it sucks...

---The football game went well and we won! So the high school alma mater is heading to the state finals next weekend for the first time ever! So good to catch up with friends during the game, and I'm pretty sure that was one of the first social outings Tall D and I have had to make jointly albeit independently since the actual divorce and it went fine.

---Thick wool socks, leggings, and jogging tops make me happy these days.

---Speaking of jogging, the winter sunshine called me outside this afternoon and I covered 6.8 miles on my run. It felt pretty great, I had a smile on my face until the last mile, and the sunshine felt amazing on my bare legs. I also realized that it's hard to motivate myself out to run for anything under than 3-4 miles these days--even lately I keep feeling like it better be 4-7 miles or it's not worth it. While that's not much to some, that's a HUGE improvement to me! Oh and I'm pretty sure that I'm having some other issue that is effecting my running, but I'm not sure how to prevent it. Hmm..

---Church this morning. Again....AWESOME. And I want to drag every single one of my friends there. It just feeds my soul. The type of church that recognizes that no one is perfect and yet is all about giving, sharing, missions, caring. I don't agree with everything they practice, but so far, I have yet to walk out feeling like I disagree with anything and I always walk out feeling uplifted and fulfilled.

---I've been thinking a lot about my milspouse gals. How much they mean to me...and how difficult of a Christmas this will probably be for so many of us. Three husbands deployed, one husband lost his life in combat, one milspouse lost her mom to cancer, and Tall D and I divorced. My heart breaks for each of them and yet misses them and the reality that we all understand so much too.

---Speaking of milspouses, yesterday evening I had a long text chat with the wife of Tall D's best Army bud, as she and I became good pals too. It was good to be able to discuss some of the concerns that I have, the concerns that have been brought to me by others as well, to hear of her husband and her & the resources utilized, to gain a better understanding of certain aspects of things that don't get discussed, and to just check in in general. It also made me realize another aspect of failure that I struggle with....but I might post about that separately. I've been feeling a military post coming on lately.....

---The irony of 30 that I think I've shared before......I'm really starting to look my age ie my students don't question that I'm old enough to know and I'm rarely getting carded these days, but I've also never been in better shape or more toned. I think I've gotten more compliments from the Tall one in the last three months than in the three years of our living in the same residence, and the other evening my old buddy sent me a text speaking to that very fact that the "years had been good to me." I've been hearing this a lot lately and I'd have to agree, but I think it also makes me nervous to what the next five years might be.... plus I'm well aware that the minute I start eating more or with old habits.....some poundage is going to be added.

----On a related note: yesterday I treated myself to a peppermint smoothie from Burgerville and a fish fillet sandwich. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, the Dogs won the game, and so I treated myself to full fat...and it was worth every single bite :)

----Also, don't laugh, but I'd been realizing that something felt different about my body...and it finally dawned on me that this is the first time in my adult life that I haven't had some sort of love handle flab. I still feel the phantom love :) HA!

---Graded the final in-person assignments! Woot woot. Tomorrow I hope to conquer the online assignments/quizzes...and then courses are wrapping up!

---Today I broke the no-buy November in order to buy a few holiday decor items: a wreath and swag for outside, two poinsettas, and some scented pine cones for the table. I swapped out the gourds and changed up the candles, and Tall D also agreed to let my cousin, T, and I borrow the truck one afternoon later this week so we can go cut me down a Christmas tree--us ladies are pretty stoked :) (Plus T doesn't know it but she's going to be volunteered to crawl into the attic to get down the Christmas decorations) ;)

---This evening I had my meeting/interview with the short-term house share. It sounds like it might just be December with potential for a bit of January thrown in. I'm still deciding although leaning toward yes, just because I feel inclined to take the gal under my wing and help her out for a bit. (Although I keep hearing my aunt's advice: Stop being a caretaker for everyone else....and take care of yourself for once!) I keep waiting to figure out what the catch is with this gal but hopefully there is none. She'd move in on Saturday and the room would stay completely furnished--she'd basically just be staying almost like a paying guest. Potentially not a bad deal.....

---And tonight the dogs got baths. It was the first time Roxi has had a bath since we moved to Oregon maybe (although there might have been one outside). Anna's been to the groomer's twice, but since the dogs are outside as much as in, I usually hate the idea of bathing them just for them to get so dirty. Except tonight I realized that Roxi was into the bathtub she went, followed by Anna. Both dogs used to freak out when we'd bath them, so I was incredibly impressed that they both let me pick them up and generally tolerated the bath/shower as it happened.

---I've also had some more thoughts about Tall D in general, and the reality of knowing I shouldn't talk to him but the reality of knowing that I don't want to not talk to him. And that's not in a "I'm not over him" way, that's in that "wow, we shouldn't be married, what were we thinking, but gosh, I DO/Did enjoy lots of about him and I'd like to be able to offer him support as a friend" sort of way. Only time will tell how any friendship progresses, etc. I know that I do have it in me though to shut emotions off and push forward--I've done it with past loves before, especially in times when I'm embracing the year ahead to regain myself. I'm not looking to integrate ANYONE except for reacquainting with me. And ironically I have been realizing that I am returning to a lot of aspects of the version of me that I was right before I met TallD: back at church regularly, being more mindful of debts & finances, more settled in my soul & heart, more confident in my choices & actions, looking forward, a better friend & more engaged family member, and focused on my physical health for the right reasons (and not because I'm trying to keep him engaged).

---There's more...but I'm going to bed! :)

1 comment:

  1. I'm really happy that you have found a church that you like! I have been having so many questions about church these days. Mainly whether or not I should be in a large church building, or if I should be more involved in a house church type of situation. The added complication is that there aren't any house churches in my area, and the church I currently attend is the one that I was born into :-)