Still alive. Taking a social media time-out for Lent and in so doing am attempting to distract myself less and focus inward more, aka I'm hoping to process through some of my residual "stuff" from the divorce that I have been avoiding. It's been much more fun to distract myself through running and intense physical activity, but I also want to truly move forward and I know that in order to do that I need to deal with some loose curdled ends too. The "unsent letter" has become my friend--it definitely helps to get the crap out and onto a page even if it's only to purge it out of me. :)
Most of this came to fruition after I realized a few things based on relationship changes but more so I had a major emotional crash after completing my goal of hiking the entire 30 mile Wildwood Trail in one day. While the hike itself was a good experience and it was nice to check another goal off the list, I think my body is ready for me to slow it down a bit. I'm still going to run but I'm also spending some time contemplating what I want my physical activity levels to look like in the big picture. This period of Lent I'm focusing on being gentler with my body in general, so beyond easing up a bit on the endurance stuff, I'm also hoping to start working with a naturopath again for some increased nutritional assistance. Even though I'm eating quite a bit (and I'm officially eating meat again, well minus pork and ground beef...), my weigh-in at the doctor's office yesterday let me know that I'm below the weight I'd like to be at (although still healthy). Part of the emotional crash post long hike can be attributed to an an electrolyte imbalance, so additional nutritional reminders and assistance will be handy. I do really well when someone gives me lists of things to eat!
So many of my friends have been amazingly supportive during this time of processing. I have been texting with a handful of both my male and female friends, garnering perspectives and experiences. I usually do well taking various opinions and then comparing my thoughts/reactions to theirs, before forming my own opinion or judgment about something. The first day of Lent I had a lot of questions as part of my processing and so it was nice to gather lots of various perspectives. I learned a lot and some of the insights offered really made a lot of sense out of many of my past experiences. The perspectives are also helping me to form a game plan about how to move forward and to also help me pinpoint areas where I need to continue to focus attention. Honestly, I just feel grateful, that I have such amazing people in my life who continue to support me and have waited without pushing me until I was ready to move forward.
I'm also so grateful for my parents and family. My oldest brother is another person I've been texting for his thoughts and today I made the trip to my sister's for her family's birthday celebrations. It was the first time that my local siblings, my parents, my nephews, my great-niece, Granny, and I have all been together in a very long time (maybe even three years). We used to celebrate their birthdays this way every year. In some ways having us all together today was sort of soothing and restoring in its own right--reminding me of the way that things used to be and the solid foundation on which we were started. My mom has also been amazing in the last few weeks about putting together a few care packages of items that I can't currently afford while I'm following a budget (water-proof gear, foods, etc) and it seriously just means a lot to me the little ways my parents continue to step forward to try to help me without stepping on toes.
There are lots of unknowns still regarding this year, but I'm trying to be as patient and trusting as possible. At least once a month, I'm sitting down, crunching numbers, checking dates, etc, but I just have to believe that it's all going to work out okay. Housemate M's kiddo and the grandma arrive in 11 days and will be here until the end of April. I know this will be a period where I will need to focus on Love, Compassion, & Patience (which are my goal words of the spring), but I'm also sort of excited about the experience in some ways too. Starting in May and through the summer, I'm oh so hopeful that I can get another renter in the house, so start keeping your fingers crossed y'all. When both rooms are rented, then financially I'm much more able to make ends meet and make headway on paying off my outstanding finances too. I'm recognizing that I need to be more gentle with myself regarding some of these goals as well too--even if I can't make as large of a dent as I want before the end of this year, every payment that decreases the total balance is a worthwhile one!
I'm hoping to do a few catch-up posts including some pictures from some of the great hikes and outings the dogs and I have been on. They're having a rough adjustment this month as I've been trying out various Meet-Up groups to try to find some other running and outdoor individuals (which it's been a pretty good experience so far!), but that means they get left at home a lot more. In the long run, it'll be great for their paws and legs though. I'm hopeful I can use the meet-up groups for 1-2x/month outings and then still do some solo trips with the dogs or outings with other individuals. There are a few gals in my massage program that I'm hoping I can round up for a day hike or a backpacking trip in the summer. I just keep being reminded that there are so many various like-minded individuals in this area.
Loving the coming of the spring. I've been relishing the evenings when that gentle spring sound spreads through the air--a steady mix of neighborhood movement, frogs busy down at the creek, and yet so much stillness. I'm starting to make lists of garden veggies and I just put some grass replacement seed down tonight. The yard is ready to have some help. :)
Somehow that seems to be the motto around here: equal parts stillness and equal parts movement toward growth with a whole lot of gentleness thrown in.
Anyway, for now, Happy March! :)