Wednesday, March 23, 2016

25ish Dates, Relationships & Still Searching

So here's a raw life post based on a big item that's on my mind and heart these days...and where sometimes when I'm on trail....I think about the darnest things.....

....and sometimes I go on trail and think about some things because I wake up feeling a bit lonely and wishing there was someone else to so deeply share life, thoughts, love with....

...most days I recognize that romantic love (having it or not) does not define who I am, my purpose, nor where I am supposed to be heading....but man, sometimes it'd just be great to, well, have a man :)

....but of course not just any man...cause let's get real I'm not the easiest woman in the world...and I'd like a partner who is heading in the same direction with the same values and his own solid foundation. Finding a man just to spend time with is easy, but finding a man to spend and create a life THAT proves to be a challenge.

It doesn't help that I'm a *slight* hodge podge of pieces of things (military and somewhat socialistic OR country and liberal don't always go together for example....but all these things are pieces of me also). It also doesn't seem to help that my mind rarely turns off and while I totally love to go explore, I'm also a major home body :)

But one day when I was on trail slightly bummed about being single for so much of my adult life (most my 20s I didn't "waste time dating" when I could focus on work/school), I started doing a little bit of math....

....and that led me to realize that in the 4ish years/48ish months since my separation and eventual divorce I've: unfortunately (although I learned a lot...) been involved with my ex for about 16-20ish of those months, dated about 5 other guys for a total of another 13 or so months, was not emotionally available to attempt dating at least 6-12 of those additional months, and yet still managed at least 20 other first dates in the 6-12 months that I've been "available" (including taking a guy out for lunch in Tanzania and meeting up with a date while in Argentina). Based on those general numbers, I realized that I really cannot complain....

....the other math I routinely do is the total estimated population of single males on this planet. Granted I have no real numbers for this...but world population is about 7 billion. If you cut that in half that's 3.5 billion. Even if we discount for outside the age categories, same sex preferences, and those that are already, that still leaves a LARGE population of potential partners :) And while I have come to realize that I probably should end up with someone who has a similar background & culture, that's STILL a large potential pool. Additionally, I live in ONE city in ONE state in ONE nation. I've been out with "just" 25ish men in three cities/countries...I really cannot complain.

....and all that being said I also realize that potentially there's the chance that I truly won't meet a lifetime partner and some days I'm better at accepting that. I don't believe I HAVE to spend my life with someone else. If there's one thing Reg D was adamant about, it was that I became as independent as possible, which in a lot of ways helped me to return to realizing that I truly can do life on  my own if need be (including adopting kiddos). But the thing is that it's a WANT vs a NEED thing. I don't NEED a partner....but I WANT one. Someone who can see life similarly but also challenge my thinking, someone who has their own hobbies but has some shared fun, someone who is working on making this world a "better" (healthier/more caring/more sustained) place, someone who can balance out aspects of myself, someone who can focus long-term on just (this) one woman...and who also wants a family, someone who can find the joy in the ordinary things...and maybe, just maybe could he also have a killer smile, a twinkle in his eyes, and be able to rock a 5 o'clock shadow while wearing a sexy pair of utility pants-ha! :)

....which truthfully brings me to where I currently to introductions, online options, chance meetings, and lots of hopeful thinking/praying/arguing with God on this topic :) I'm back online (which is not my preferred manner of meeting people) and trying to keep an open mind. I work in a female dominated environment, tend to not have too much energy for volunteering these days, I live in the suburbs and tend to really enjoy relaxing in my cozy home, and meeting people in bars/church doesn't seem to pan out in my favor (especially when my relationship with God is a bit different than some churchy notions and I don't really want a relationship based on booze/beer) generally online it is. There are times when I talk to the man upstairs and feel answers arrive on my heart...but sometimes I feel like this is one that just might not come to fruition and I don't blame Him. When I have a partner in my life, I tend to lose sight of Him and of the other items He puts on my heart to do with my life. What I'm arguing with Him about is the reality of presenting a partner who is already ON the same path that He wants me to head toward/stay on, because man the idea of having a partner to share that journey with sounds much more rewarding and fulfilling and TWO working toward His same goal is much better than just one! :)

So while this post is meant to be more entertaining, thought-provoking, and sharing more than anything, you're more than welcome to join in my positive thinking/hoping/praying for an awesome guy to mosey on in to this journey of life with me... Ha!


  1. Ah, I feel you. For many years prior to the manfriend I agonized over whether or not I would meet the right person. Being independent and enjoying the life you've built says a lot and there's nothing wrong with that. And there's also nothing wrong with wanting to share the life you have with someone else. I totally get that. Anyway, I don't have any pearls of wisdom really, but just wanted to say I understand where you're coming from. Thinking of you and hoping the right guy comes along and that you'll be ready to receive him. :)

  2. I hope that the right guy moseys his way into your life! I understand the struggle between needs v. wants. I think it is good to not 'need' a man but it's hard to not want one. But it's important to be picky, as you have been! Most of my friends have been married for 7+ years so I am definitely the late bloomer in my life and there were times when I never thought I'd find the right one, but luckily I did and I hope the same happens for you, too!

  3. I hope the right guy comes along soon! Like you said, you've certainly been looking, especially when you did all that math. Just keep the faith, he will show up eventually :)