A Lil Bit of Life 4

Randoms are what I've got floating in my head, especially since I've been having trouble falling asleep the last few nights. Once I do fall asleep, all is well, it's just taking a hour or so to get there.

--Have I mentioned how much I love my boss? Seriously, I have been incredibly blessed. He'd sent me an email yesterday to discuss scheduling spring and summer terms, and since I had to run to campus today, I stopped in to chit chat for a bit. We caught up briefly and he shared his excitement about my registering for classes (he's been a HUGE supporter through everything already). Here is where I should also again mention that...I love my job. Sure it's not all roses and candy, grading gets tiring, teaching life skills to college students get tiring, but it's so incredibly rewarding too. There's nothing more fulfilling than seeing a student who engages with the material, hearing students share what they're changing in their lives to improve their health, or getting that "one" student to engage who normally just wouldn't care. And what other job can I seriously wheel and deal with my boss to finagle optimum credit loads, timing, and financial pay offs. I've set my own teaching schedule for over a year now...and it's amazing. It doesn't always work out, but the boss loves that I'm also flexible.....and I just plain love the job and how incredibly amazing my supervisor is.

--I'm becoming a dog owner push over. Tonight they got ahold of my decorative gourds and I just shook my head, loaded them into the Sorento to run an errand together, and then let them take over the other side of the bed. I'm a push over....Enough said.

--I absolutely hate why my best gal Deir and her lil one will be home for the holidays/next several months, but I'm also guiltily glad for it, as I can't imagine getting through the Christmas season at home without her this year. She's already promised a night of wine and crashing out at the farm house, which is exactly what might be needed. And I would imagine she's going to need it too. I'll definitely be thinking of all my milspouse gals this holiday season.

--I'm already slightly anxious about Christmas. Thanksgiving will go fairly smoothly I think, although I'm sure the fam will miss Tall D's deep fried turkey. I know I'll get emotional as we get closer to the actual sparkle and coziness of the Christmas season---the last three Christmases were spent with Tall D (2 of them completely on our own and most of the Christmas stuff we do own was stuff we'd actually picked out together) and the Christmas before those three was when he and I met back home. The hardest part will be heading back down to our hometown, where we share mutual friends and memories of the holidays...and yet I'll be back to trying to just do my own thing and praying to God that I don't run into him out with somebody else. One of the things I struggle with the most these days is knowing how quickly he's been able to move on, even if I also know that he's not the man I want to be married to.

--This weather is totally cramping my running. My legs and body are itching to go out, but the stronger winds and constant drizzle have been holding me back. Hopefully I'll force myself out into the elements this weekend, especially with Deir increasingly putting pressure on the half training program from the distance-ha!

--This week I've been cutting my classes about 45 mins early--giving them a bit of a break. Fall term has 12 weeks in it, while the other two terms only have 11---makes me feel like a shorter day during a holiday week is justifiable. They also turn(ed) in their last assignment this week---which means that this weekend will be the last time I have to grade for my in-person courses until the final. The next two lectures are some of my favorites: Infectious Disease & Cancer and then Relationships & Sex. I got all amped up tonight just starting to touch on the topic of contraceptives--at least the last two weeks they definitely pay attention, both from the subject matter and my own excitement with teaching it.

--I've been connecting with some new/old people who are also going through or recently divorced. It's sort of nice to have experiences/emotions be normalized. Tonight I also was thinking of how one of the most difficult things that people have said to me throughout all of this has actually been "to be strong" or to "remember that I'm strong," because sometimes being a strong female is tiring and you just want to have it actually be okay to cry when life gets crappy. Ironically one of the best things has been to be heard...and then be told to pull it back together...but that's just me :) (Perfect example: this afternoon Deir and I engaged in a long text exchange about multiple things but after letting me wallow and complain, she eventually stated "pity party over." She still let me go on about a few more things, but it did the trick....) Strength to me is NOT stuffing or hiding your emotions, but it's letting the process unfold while still being mindful of the experience and the fact that it won't last forever. We all carry on if we choose to, strength is getting to the point where you recognize that you've walked through yet another fire but the callouses on your feet only made you better able to handle the gravel path ahead of you. The fire still burns, it makes you more vulnerable, but it also makes you more aware and tougher.

--After class tonight, I purchased groceries--none of which really made too much sense. I got the regulars: veggies for snacking, coconut milk, bananas, wine. I got some treats: veggie chips, rice pudding, hard apple cider, and low-fat egg nog (which I totally broke into the carton the minute I hit the car). I got my goods to take to Thanksgiving: rolls, vino, kale salad fixings, and appetizer makings. And I got quite a few other things that I've been meaning to pick up over the last several weeks: cheese, bacon (btw can I freeze bacon?!), lil oranges, frozen pizzas, onions, avocados, and the like. I'm definitely looking forward to lots of good food on Thursday.

--We've had some pretty heavy rains and wind the last few days. Reminds me of home...but I definitely wish that Oregon drivers would remember to turn their headlights on during these gray drizzly moments! And with large puddles and blocked drains in some areas, I've again been relishing the AWD handling capabilities. I never thought I'd be one to fall in love with a vehicle (especially a crossover)....but I'm pretty sure I've been completely smitten for the last year. :)

--New contact for short term room rental. We'll see how it pans out. And today I ran into the younger corner neighbors Tall D and I had tried to befriend (actually Roxi ran over there when she saw the wife outside and refused to come back til I headed there too.....). It was good to touch base with the wife for a bit as I'd always enjoyed her and she was shocked to hear of the changes. Made me glad in some ways to know that the entire neighborhood didn't notice the transition. I also talked to the mailman about how to no longer have the remains of Tall D's mail arrive here...

--This whole no buying November is actually making me happy. Although I did fit into the "food" category some things that technically were gifts. Some extended colleagues from last year (same population, slightly different role), got hit with some major red tape extensions from the feds during their audit this summer, as you can imagine their office is a little stressed and over-taxed. Today I picked up a veggie tray, trail mix, and some holiday cupcakes to deliver to hopefully brighten their days. Sometimes there is nothing like showing others you care in order to be brighter!

And for now, that's that. I'm tired---I keep catching typos and grammatical errors. But in the midst of some moments of angst as of late, I'm still incredibly thankful...and recognize how many blessings exist.