25ish Dates, Relationships & Still Searching

So here's a raw life post based on a big item that's on my mind and heart these days...and where sometimes when I'm on trail....I think about the darnest things.....

....and sometimes I go on trail and think about some things because I wake up feeling a bit lonely and wishing there was someone else to so deeply share life, thoughts, love with....

...most days I recognize that romantic love (having it or not) does not define who I am, my purpose, nor where I am supposed to be heading....but man, sometimes it'd just be great to, well, have a man :)

....but of course not just any man...cause let's get real I'm not the easiest woman in the world...and I'd like a partner who is heading in the same direction with the same values and his own solid foundation. Finding a man just to spend time with is easy, but finding a man to spend and create a life with....now THAT proves to be a challenge.

It doesn't help that I'm a *slight* hodge podge of pieces of things (military and somewhat socialistic OR country and liberal don't always go together for example....but all these things are pieces of me also). It also doesn't seem to help that my mind rarely turns off and while I totally love to go explore, I'm also a major home body :)

But one day when I was on trail slightly bummed about being single for so much of my adult life (most my 20s I didn't "waste time dating" when I could focus on work/school), I started doing a little bit of math....

....and that led me to realize that in the 4ish years/48ish months since my separation and eventual divorce I've: unfortunately (although I learned a lot...) been involved with my ex for about 16-20ish of those months, dated about 5 other guys for a total of another 13 or so months, was not emotionally available to attempt dating at least 6-12 of those additional months, and yet still managed at least 20 other first dates in the 6-12 months that I've been "available" (including taking a guy out for lunch in Tanzania and meeting up with a date while in Argentina). Based on those general numbers, I realized that I really cannot complain....

....the other math I routinely do is the total estimated population of single males on this planet. Granted I have no real numbers for this...but world population is about 7 billion. If you cut that in half that's 3.5 billion. Even if we discount for outside the age categories, same sex preferences, and those that are already married....um, that still leaves a LARGE population of potential partners :) And while I have come to realize that I probably should end up with someone who has a similar background & culture, that's STILL a large potential pool. Additionally, I live in ONE city in ONE state in ONE nation. I've been out with "just" 25ish men in three cities/countries...I really cannot complain.

....and all that being said I also realize that potentially there's the chance that I truly won't meet a lifetime partner and some days I'm better at accepting that. I don't believe I HAVE to spend my life with someone else. If there's one thing Reg D was adamant about, it was that I became as independent as possible, which in a lot of ways helped me to return to realizing that I truly can do life on  my own if need be (including adopting kiddos). But the thing is that it's a WANT vs a NEED thing. I don't NEED a partner....but I WANT one. Someone who can see life similarly but also challenge my thinking, someone who has their own hobbies but has some shared fun, someone who is working on making this world a "better" (healthier/more caring/more sustained) place, someone who can balance out aspects of myself, someone who can focus long-term on just (this) one woman...and who also wants a family, someone who can find the joy in the ordinary things...and maybe, just maybe could he also have a killer smile, a twinkle in his eyes, and be able to rock a 5 o'clock shadow while wearing a sexy pair of utility pants-ha! :)

....which truthfully brings me to where I currently am....open to introductions, online options, chance meetings, and lots of hopeful thinking/praying/arguing with God on this topic :) I'm back online (which is not my preferred manner of meeting people) and trying to keep an open mind. I work in a female dominated environment, tend to not have too much energy for volunteering these days, I live in the suburbs and tend to really enjoy relaxing in my cozy home, and meeting people in bars/church doesn't seem to pan out in my favor (especially when my relationship with God is a bit different than some churchy notions and I don't really want a relationship based on booze/beer).....so generally online it is. There are times when I talk to the man upstairs and feel answers arrive on my heart...but sometimes I feel like this is one that just might not come to fruition and I don't blame Him. When I have a partner in my life, I tend to lose sight of Him and of the other items He puts on my heart to do with my life. What I'm arguing with Him about is the reality of presenting a partner who is already ON the same path that He wants me to head toward/stay on, because man the idea of having a partner to share that journey with sounds much more rewarding and fulfilling and TWO working toward His same goal is much better than just one! :)

So while this post is meant to be more entertaining, thought-provoking, and sharing more than anything, you're more than welcome to join in my positive thinking/hoping/praying for an awesome guy to mosey on in to this journey of life with me... Ha!

The 2015 NW National Park/Canada Roadtrip Recap

So this post is only 4 months overdue?! :) But since the roadtrip sticks out as my most favorite moment from 2015, I figured I should share a bit of it here finally. :)

Stop 1: Olympic National Park x 2 nights

Let me just preface by saying this was not my best planned trip, although that may be one of the reasons I enjoyed it the most. Oh sure I'd looked stuff up, but I still couldn't really formulate a plan and I was so stressed/tired from work that I just decided to roll with it....and I was absolutely incredibly fortunate that fortune smiled upon me so much during this trip.

Case-in-point number #1 was when I was low on gas and the National Park and State Park were both out of campsites....but the friendly ranger let me park in day-use "overflow" for the night. (Or how about the fact that I just happened upon the next to last campsite in two NPs and arrived in Jasper the week after the busiest week of their season? Fortune, so blessed!!)

Day 1 of the trip allowed for a great slow drive up north, a quick meander along some beautiful sunlit trails,

and getting situated at the camp site. Day 2 allowed me to snag a great new campsite actually in ONP and then I changed and nailed out an epic 24 mile day hike that was oh so beautiful and my body felt great!

I got back to the car as night was encroaching, changed clothes, made some food, crawled into my sleeping bag, and passed out. Day 3 I drove from that location up to Hurricane Ridge where I did a few super short excursions from the visitor's center,

grabbed coffee at a great little bistro on the way, took the ferry across to Whidbey Island, drove up the beautiful route to Bellingham where I stopped at a brewery for a burger & beer, and then I watched the most incredible sunset over rural Washington farmland right before I drove across the Canadian border. At the next large town, I grabbed an actual hotel to lounge in the tub (a full hot bath with a bucket full of ice chips to munch on is one of my favorite hotel guilty pleasures) & get a solid night's sleep.

Stop 2: Hotel just across the Canadian border

The next day I grabbed a coffee, extracted Canadian cash from an ATM (so pretty!),

and headed toward Kamloops. I had researched enough to want to make a few stops on the way so I did the quick jaunt at Bridal Veil Falls & the Othello Tunnels.

I grabbed a cheap, legit diner BLT on the way and then I made it to Kamloops. Driving through the passes was a lot of fun also. In Kamloops I snagged a beautiful spot on the tent side of the RV Campsite where I enjoyed the cows and hung out in my hammock until I met up with Amber (Girl with the Red Hair) for a great sunset hike! The views in Kamloops were incredible 

and it was so wonderful to meet Amber in person :) Post-hike I headed toward downtown where I grabbed an amazing meal of mac & cheese and a local beer and then I drove back to the campsite.

Stop 3: RV Campsite in Kamloops

The next morning I headed to an area that Amber had told me about to do some trail running, which really was getting my rear end handed to me :) Kamloops is a hiker/trail runners dream, but those trails are by no means easy!

Truthfully I feel like there are a lot of additional areas that I could have checked out there but I needed to hit the road, so I headed toward the lake region of BC/Alberta. I had wanted to stop at one of the lakes to kayak and possibly camp, but I had pushed on too far and hit the more crowded areas, so I only stopped for lunch and to chat with the visitor's center (which I stopped at the Visitor's Centers in many towns on this trip---great resource!). From there I headed toward a rural campsite, but a wrong turn on the road I was on had me flag down a super friendly industrial worker who advised me not to go to the campsite I was headed toward. He had hunted and camped in that area for 30 years and so he directed me to a different option...cheap, still remote, and beautiful. The campsite was toward the headwaters of the Columbia River, allowed for a few super short hikes, and made for a great place to wash off in the chilly river before crawling in for the night.

Stop 4: Campsite on the upper Columbia River

From here I headed toward Golden, which actually had the most unhelpful Visitor's Center of them all and changed my initial "plan." I instead stopped at the Parks Canada Visitor's Center which turned out to be perfect...and truthfully directed me to a great campsite and one of the best hikes of the trip. The walk-in Tent site was 1/4 to 1/2 mile walk-in, but I only needed to make two trips to get everything situated and my food secured (bears!). From there I still had several hours til sunset, so I hiked the four miles up to the glaciers (AMAZING!)

and then ran the six mile loop back down. There were several incredible waterfalls on this trail and seeing the glaciers was pretty amazing. The only drawback was the immense amount of smoke from the wildfires, but it still was so beautiful and an incredible experience. I was glad to crawl into my tent that night and sleep to the sound of the immense waterfall down river.

Stop 5: Walk-in Tent site in Yoho National Park

I woke up early the next morning (per the advice of many) to make it to the infamous Lake Louise before the biggest wave of tourists. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

I wished I could have ventured onto more trails this day (but you have to be in a group of four here due to grizzly habitat...and I didn't have as much time nor energy for lots of hiking this day). From the main lakes in Banff National Park, I drove the Icefield Parkway up into Jasper NP, stopping at several of the waterfalls and sights along the way and thoroughly enjoying the immense beauty that this area provides. Photos could never do it justice truthfully and it's an area where I'd love to return to eventually.

I did manage a sort of off-the-beaten-path hike this day that was pretty nice to do...and then after I got situated at my campsite on the north end of Jasper NP I ventured out for an evening hike. I wasn't sure I had enough time/daylight to do the one I really wanted to do, so I did a different one that I eventually realized I had gone farther than I was supposed to for the day hike and I got a little nervous about being alone in bear country... Post hike, I decided to try out the natural hot springs pools (I'd been hoping to do one of the natural springs rather than the pool type, but it just didn't work out for me to do that extra leg of the journey this trip). The pools were a nice change of pace but definitely not the most relaxing nor solitary. :)

Stop 6: Jasper National Park campsite

The next day I drove out of Jasper and headed toward Edmonton, which was my main destination so I could be there for my high school buddy's wedding. There wasn't much on the road to stop to see but I did finally stop to get some coffee & carbs from Tony Horton's, which is pretty Canadian iconic (think Starbucks mixed with McDonalds).

Once in Edmonton, I got situated in my AirBnb basement room, oriented myself via some maps and park trail guides, and headed out on a running tour of part of the city. Edmonton in the summer reminds me a lot of Portland: river bisecting town, lots of great parks, major quadrants of the city, etc. I probably covered between 7 and 10 miles this day cutting through 2 of the city parks, running through the UofAlberta neighborhood,

and eventually making my way back to the house. After a much needed shower, I headed out to a nearby pub for an organic burger & this delicious rose beer.

Stop 7: 2 nights in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

On day number 2 in Edmonton, I drove to the other side of the river to check out that side of the city on foot. I grabbed coffee at a hip lil place in one of the newer neighborhoods, checked out Canada's version of REI, and then literally walked between 20-30 blocks to check out a farmer's market, the business district, and the main center of the city.

 I'm not gonna lie, by the time I made it back to the car, my feet were not very happy to be in their sandals. After the morning excursion, I bee-lined it back to the house to shower, change, and head to the wedding....and eventually to the reception. It was so great to see this buddy get married, I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with his parents, and it was really nice to have almost a full day to catch up with another couple from high school who were the only other guests from our hometown who had been invited. We had a great time that evening!

The next morning I rolled out early (after realizing that I actually prefer sleeping in the back of my SUV snug as a bug in my sleeping bag & fuzzy blanket rather than staying in a house)....and truthfully as much as I enjoyed Canada, for some reason I was just ready to make it back into the US. Ironically as I eventually crossed the border (with some incredibly strong winds), I also arrived at the same time as a massive thunder storm that was blowing in from the west (which thankfully helped with some of the wildfire issues this summer....). I was able to snag the next to last campsite, I bundled up and hid out in the lodge for a bit eating a tasty burger and drinking some amazing huckleberry beer, and then I headed back for my snug dry SUV where I spent the rest of the pouring afternoon & evening finishing off the book I'd been reading. Truthfully at this point a forced day to relax and hibernate was actually pretty amazing.

Stop 8: Rainy campsite in Glacier National Park

The next day was chilly, overcast, wet, and with winds...and I hadn't packed much cold weather gear, so I knew I needed to scrap my initial plan of long day hikes. I did manage a 2-3 mile cold, windy hike up to a neat view point (42 degrees, 33 mph winds)

and then I drove the Going to the Sun Rd through the park. 

From there I headed over to White Fish where I stopped for lunch and to check out the lake, I did a brief stop to check out Flathead Lake, stopped for an incredible elk burger & huckleberry milkshake along a rural highway in Montana, contemplated stopping at one of the campsites along the rivers, 

but pushed on to arrive in the dark & way late at an (overpriced & noisy) RV Site along I-5 just outside Coeur D'Alene.

Stop 9: RV Campsite outside Coeur D'Alene, ID

The next morning I decided to drive around the lake and I stopped for coffee and a bit of exploring at Harrison, ID. I chatted with the nicest locals and had some incredible bites & coffee brew for breakfast. This would be a great place to come in the off season for kayaking, hiking, & running.

From here I had decided to drive over to check out Mount Rainer National Park. It made for a couple of hours of extra car time, but it was fun to fit in an extra National Park before I made it back home. The two short hikes I did were both foggy & misty, as the rain was still falling from the western storms. From here I was glad to head back home...

Altogether an incredible outing! 2800 miles driven, 4 states & 2 provinces, 6 National Parks, several new towns explored, lots of great people met, countless trails/roads covered, and oh so many incredible memories. I was so grateful for safety & no major issues along the way. The break from work and not being accessible via phone/email to many was a nice change of pace. I seriously enjoyed just camping in the back of my SUV and the simple freedoms that the days presented. Oh and I purchased a National Parks pass too.....and have already made my money back between the US parks I visited and the hiking on federal lands I've already done since then. Altogether just an incredible journey that happened with just the perfect timing!

November, Grateful November

Man, do I love November! Every where I turn there are just the most glorious of colors--even on these drab, gray Oregon days---the vivid trees are just incredible. And truthfully there's just a lot that I love about this month, especially as I look toward the coming months. It's such a great transition period.

Today I'm focusing on so much of what is making me happy this week:

This month also marks the downhill turn of my terms. Meaning that today I gave my last "new" lecture (we're heading toward a community event, a week off for Thanksgiving, and then student presentations in my new program and then it's the regular set of lectures for my old program). So my amount of prep work will be less and I should have a week or two to dig into new books (program research) and focus on a few other things. I'm excited to have more time to immerse in material myself and to plan out the coming terms.

This week I also was able to work ahead. I already have two out of the three courses I'm teaching winter term at my regular institution completely ready to go. I have one more course to work on for there. I also have most my courses at the new institution mapped out (one is done minus scheduling guest speakers). I'm brainstorming ideas for converting the course I taught this term into an online format for spring term...and truthfully the students are asking for a follow-up course to this one so we'll see what my bosses decide to do with that. (I also had a great meeting with my boss last week and there might be additional courses thrown onto my plate for spring...ones that I'm pretty excited about...as well as some potential other opportunities coming up....) I'm finalizing my mentee meetings for this term and getting all the students set to be moving toward their fieldwork placements for spring....and coming up with workshops for winter to help with that process. Altogether I'm feeling pretty happy with the work load for winter and the potential load for spring......and I'm so glad to be feeling more organized and on top of my game than I have in months....

In more work news....As an instructor you dream of those "Dead Poet Society moments" when the students are just so immersed in the concepts, making connections, and driven toward lives of authentic aim toward change....and the last half of today's class held exactly that. It made me beam inside to have the students still so passionate and engaged, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what they produce in their presentations. As I sat and listened to the exchange going on, I couldn't help but feel that change on a large scale CAN be possible if enough people get involved in the conversation.

Teaching this course on global and environmental food systems has also re-immersed me into so much of the material that I was so passionate about in grad school and during the years prior (when I first started blogging)....and it's re-exploded that passion (which you probably noticed if you're connected to me on FB). But the truth of the matter is that the planet's health, your health, global health is intricately connected to the environment and vice versa. There is no separation, and every choice that we make contributes toward improving, maintaining, or harming the greater system. I've been spending a lot of brain power thinking about my various choices of consumption and analyzing where additional improvements can be made. Right now I'm really trying to be aware of food and consumer packaging and trying to brainstorm additional changes to make. (Ie next up: purchasing loose leaf tea in bulk and steeping in the re-usable tea "bags", focusing more on farmer's markets for local less packaged produce).

In additional work related news, I also just purchased my plane ticket for Argentina and I couldn't be more stoked to finally return to this amazing country. It worked out that I could get a cheaper ticket if I left earlier in the month, so I'll also get to spend the first handful of days reconnecting with many of my friends and former host families (while still getting to be home here to celebrate Christmas). I haven't been to Argentina in fifteen years and I feel so much...awe at the opportunity to finally get back, while also being able to do so for work purposes. I'm really looking forward to exploring the prospect of a relationship with an established global partner down there, researching placement options for students, and discovering how we could potentially create a cultural immersion trip for students. It's a lot to pack into 2.5 weeks but I'm excited!

This time of year also leaves me daydreaming of trips on snowy trails with the dogs. By prepping so much in advance and being able to be back in time for Christmas, I should actually get a week or two of "down time" over December break. I truly cannot wait.

Have I mentioned that Reg D is potentially headed for Malawi (Africa) with the PeaceCorps in Feb? There's still a lot that has to finish lining up but I'm excited for this next potential venture for him. This also means that he'll be crashing here again from mid-December until he would leave in Feb, and I'm truthfully looking forward to sharing space with him again. Since he's been my best bud for over two years now, he knows what annoys me about sharing space with people and he's able to take steps to be an awesome housemate while he's here. I actually really enjoyed the time he was here in August and Sept and I hope that this next go with be just as fulfilling. (The other awesome thing about his potential PC location is that it's just south of Tanzania...depending on how things line up I could potentially get to visit him while he's on assignment....)

I just made a significant payment against my credit card and the last few months allowed me to make gains on not contributing to the credit card. Based on my calculations...I still should be on target to have the car AND the credit card paid off in full by April or May. I'm going to continue to rent out to L through March, but dependent on what I do with the house come spring/summer...I might see if she wants to stay (or rent to someone else) to start saving toward a potential down payment....like on a house :)

As in...I'm letting myself daydream about having property and even with the crazy prices in the greater Portland area, I'm trusting that it's going to be possible. (Although I'm not going to lie, this renewed enviro global passion is again pushing me toward exploring doctoral programs....and I don't know that I'm going to find one that is the best fit in the local area....) But I'm hoping that 2016 will bring me toward my goal of property...and also somehow present an opportunity to get to India...

And here's the crazy thing...I think both of those are totally possible. When I think of how many walls I was hitting three years ago...and yet everything that has happened in this year, it's such a contrast and totally has made me realize that when I get out of my own way and allow Greater plans to be put into motion, then the doors will open. If I'm supposed to buy property...it'll happen. If I'm supposed to get my PhD, I'll find the right program. If I'm supposed to go to India like I'm feeling like I'm supposed to...then the way will present itself. I feel renewed, my faith is restored, and I'm trusting that God is going to lead the way. Not all moments are fabulous nor wonderful, but I'm so glad to be back....here. If I'm honest, not a day goes by that I don't think of how life has evolved over the last 5-6 years especially, but when I think about this last year, I'm truly in awe....of everything that CAN happen. (Tanzania, Canada, Argentina all in one year? career change falls in my lap? new manfriend?! major debt reduction in motion?)

Couple more awesome things: 1) I'm totally stoked for monthly family dinners. It's been great to have a set time to catch up with my siblings and their families that live in Oregon and also spend some great time with the padres and Granny. 2) The Dude and I hit a rough couple weeks...as all relationships do, but we're seemingly back in a good space. It's not all going to be peachy but at the end of the day, I really just like and appreciate that I can trust and laugh with him. His smile just plain lights up my face. 3) Have I mentioned that I gathered a variety of my gal pals together and we're also doing monthly dinners? We're rotating different ethnic varieties in a couple quadrants of Portland...and it's so wonderful to try new foods AND get to catch up with so many incredible women. 4) I was able to spend some time thrifting last week....for $50 three totally awesome warm sweaters, black maxi skirt, a maxi dress and loose pants that will be great for various work travel locations, a great shirt, and a new scarf (wide enough to be a great travel cover). I'm working on creating more of a "capsule" wardrobe where things can work between multiple seasons and various locations. 5) I'd been feeling called to get my rear back to church....and I finally made it happen this last Sunday. SO rewarding and fulfilling to be back in a space with so many other believers...and this truly is my last goal to focus on for this year...finding spiritual community....

Truly...in this moment....life just feels nice....headed toward potential good things, preparing contingency plans, but trusting that things will keep evolving as they should. I also hope to be able to spend some time in the coming two weeks to do a few catch up posts....like finally recapping my BC/Alberta road trip :)

Much love to all of you and Happy November!

The Year of Grace: 2014 Wrap-Up

Woo, alright y'all here's 2014 in review :)

2014 Goals
Regain financial independence
Pay off credit card--not happening but it's down some
Pay car loan to below $8k (close!)
Altered clothes challenge
Run 15 miler for fun (close enough 14.5 trail jog on Oct 31)
Finally try surfing (Aug 30)
Go kayaking again (April 26, May 17, May 24, July 9, July 13, Oct 25)
Backpack in Olympic Forest (Hiked Sept 14)
Hike/trail run entire Wildwood Trail (1 day) (Mar 1st)
Roadtrip somewhere out of Oregon (ONP--Sept 14)
Potential:Run in official half marathon race (Dec 14) Sprint tri in summer

What a year it was...full of ups and downs, but truthfully if I had to put a "word" to last year...it was GRACE. Grace for myself, grace for others, recognizing grace all around, and doing my best to give more grace.

The year itself ended with about 922 miles covered via hiking, running, snowshoeing, and backpacking. I did only 6 Insanity DVDs and 5.5 yoga you-tube sessions to cross-train, but I covered about 20 miles via kayaking, tried surfing & snowboarding, and went on one SUP outing.

Of the miles via my own feet:
I met my goal to walk/hike the entire 30 miles of the Wildwood Trail in one day:

I ran in the Shamrock Run 15k and averaged 8:46 min miles:

I met my extra goal of running in a half-marathon race:

I had an epic back-to-back outdoor weekend early in the year that included a 16 mile hike in Tillamook Forest with an evening trip to the beach and followed up with a 8 mile snowshoe trip on the mountain the next day:

Tall D & I did some epic day hikes for mileage this summer, including completing as much of the Wilson River trail in one day as was possible at the time, partially fulfilling my goal of exploring Olympic National Park by driving & hiking around part of it, and backpacking in the Wallowas:

I made my longest solo day mileage by completing an epic 22 mile hike/trail run on Eagle Creek Trail this fall...and I smiled in the rain the whole way:

And I more or less made my goal of completing a 15 miler by defeating my personal challenge of making it around Hagg Lake:

I continued to be in love with kayaking and am looking forward to eventual future kayak/camping excursions:

I learned via completing my life goal of trying surfing that while it's fun to explore new options, sometimes it's satisfying to recognize that we already have so many good things going:

I accomplished my goal of a road trip out of Oregon in a round about way by taking the day trip to Olympic National Park in September and by the recent day trip to Seattle. While I think I originally meant for that goal to be farther distance.....it's all about grace :) and both day trips were rewarding!

This year I also spent the period of Lent in a social media time-out & allowed myself to finish processing and grieving my divorce and the loss that occurred to my world view in the years prior. It was a much-needed and well-received experience and I came out of Lent renewed and ready to move forward. In June, I finally "let go" on a trail in Tillamook Forest and headed into a new future. 

Ironically I also was involved with my ex twice this last year for short periods of time, but I re-learned hard lessons in the process...and eventually shut the door hard & firm. I was reminded that the core concept of self-respect needs to be forefront on my heart & mind...and I ended the year with my maiden name fully re-engraved in my heart and legally changed for good.

I participated in online dating on two different occasions. Spent the first part of the summer with a great guy. Continued to develop ideas for what I truly need in a partner and to be aware of whether or not I'm really ready to focus on a relationship. I completed the dating challenge my girlfriends gave me and truly enjoyed the process and the learning that came from it.

I had some random and scary health flukes in March & April that made me realize that my body was truly exhausted. It took 2-3 months to truly re-stabilize and I spent the rest of the year focusing on grace for my physical health & listening more to what my body actually needed. The fact that I ended with 922 miles out of the original 1000 mile goal that I had for the year, makes me incredibly happy that I was even able to come back this far. I've learned to not take my physical health for granted.

I made it through massage school. While it had to be slowed down and pushed back (grace!) and at times was a total test of my patience, on Christmas Eve my certificate of completion, final transcript, and alumni card were all delivered to my front door. Thank God it's over :) but I truly learned so much in the process.

In total the year had five housemates plus M's lil guy & visiting grandma. A recurring theme this year was also learning to put my foot down and learning to say no. Removing Housemate M from the home was a hard experience but proved to have incredibly positive outcomes. My current long-term housemate has been here for seven months now and we had two great short-term gals share space with us also. 

My financial goals are still in process but this is where grace comes into play once again. I don't doubt that those financial goals WILL be met in years to come...and I'm continuing to make headway...just not as fast as I already wanted. My car loan was almost paid to the goal and I have no doubts that I'll make the goal for this year ahead. The credit card is less than it was at the start of 2014 but there's still plenty of progress to be had. And while I'm not financially independent...I'm feeling a bit more "financially stable" than I have in a long, long time...and I can see that independence is on the 2 year horizon. 

I did however also more or less make it through 2014 completing my no buy clothing challenge. I stumbled with one unexpected Target trip but those two clearance items have been worn multiple times. I feel pretty good coming out of 2014 having only bought two new regular items of clothing.

The year also included more food preservation than ever before, wonderful moments of U-Picks, backyard growing, & kitchen canning. The suburban farm also grew to include a hodge podge of 4 chickens, the rebuilt arbor & coop, and a completed pallet-to-compost bin project. In terms of increasing sustainability, 2014 saw many advancements.

In the fall I emotionally fell on my butt for one primary reason, I had a near life-altering accident from which I walked away with no damage or injuries, and I hired my cousin to be my life coach to help hold me accountable toward refinding joy in my life and moving me toward goals. In less time than I could have ever imagined, I ended 2014 with an offer to get to Africa, fundraising ideas, steps for short-term professional development, the potential for a new dream career evolving...and a general sense of fulfillment.

So there we have it. I hiked, I ran, I finished school, kept kayaking. I made payments and continued sharing housing. I spent time with family and reconnect with my siblings. I enjoyed so many moments with the many amazing friends that I have in my social circle. I continued to teach. I changed my name and started chasing my dreams. I grieved, I exhausted, I rebuilt, and I ended the year.... happy, content, and satisfied.

I spent yesterday the final day of 2014 sleeping in, interviewing a new potential short-term housemate, and then I took an old college friend on a day hike to Tillamook Forest. This is someone I haven't seen in 12 years, who was given my number to reconnect, and who is in the process of a finalizing divorce that he isn't sure he actually wanted. To spend the final day of the year on trail with an old friend, seeing nature & exercise bring happiness to his face, and asking hard questions while offering advice....was probably the most perfect way to celebrate a year of growth, of grace, and of learning. 

The evening included a hot shower, a phone call to Granny, a Lara Croft movie marathon surround by the dogs & my cat, one glass of wine, and an early bed time just after midnight curled up cuddling my firework scared dog. Even though I had many other NYE offers, this low key night was the most appealing thing to end a pretty amazingly full year.

Hoping that your end to 2014 left you feeling just as solid. While I'm looking forward to this new year that we've entered into, I do so not with unrealistic expectations or hope, but with trust that the right and true opportunities will reveal...and that life will be enjoyed in all the many satisfying moments offered when we're not looking. Heading into this new year, I have no "word" for what the year might bring, but I hope it's one of restoration, trust, happiness, and many moments of slowing down. Africa is my focus, but I'm open to whatever God decides to reveal in the days, weeks, and months ahead....I mean come on He works and reveals in the most interesting of ways...so here's to just enjoying the ride ahead. :) Onward into 2015--love, peace, and joy to all of you!

An Epic 24 Hours

Seriously, somebody pinch me....because life is just...well, pretty darn incredible. 

I'm truly starting to believe that what you ask from your heart for the universe to provide...well, sometimes it really does show up...and even more incredibly than you could have imagined. 

Case in point: I've been wanting to go to a Blazer game and a Winterhawks game. Winterhawks game is in progress of being scheduled....but Monday afternoon I randomly got a spontaneous text from a friend asking if I wanted to go to Monday night's Blazer game...in club level seats...for free. Uh..yes, yes I do! :) Seats were better than any I've ever had nor could have imagined...and the game was a blast! I had so much fun and the Blazers even won :) 

Case in point: Tuesday morning I had another meeting regarding Africa and international health career contacts/options...and I'm STILL expecting to be told that I heard that whole conversation/informational interview wrong because what I heard sounded a lot like an offer of how to go to Africa this summer AND that the whole trip/opportunity could potentially lead into an actual job option...in my dream field...at one of my ideal institutions...and that it would also potentially make all my varied career paths come full circle and connect.... Yup, pinch me......because even if it doesn't pan out..I am so incredibly fortunate and grateful for the offer and this.very.moment that life is presenting...

Case in point: After the Tuesday meeting, I had the dogs in tow so we could go explore the rain break/fresh powder that had arrived briefly on the mountain. We checked out some new trails....and for the first time in a long time, I didn't rush us or care about miles. Instead we just wandered down various new trail options, walked a bit on an old historic Oregon wagon road, and then went 2.5 miles on the PCT trail which included so much beautiful hazy fresh powder...that again, I just kept thinking about how this life...this is what I want to be living....this is what makes me feel alive...this.IS.it. I'm currently living that motto that hangs on my wall: "Living the Life I Love" and "Loving the Life I Live." On these trails, I look around at the beauty that surrounds me, I feel the peace in my soul, I hang out with God (and talk or don't talk)...and I just feel good..happy...settled...arrived. This.is.it.

Barlow Pass Highway

Barlow Pass Wagon Road

We discovered a little something special left on the PCT.

Epic, epic 24 hours :)

October.....

Wowza...I love October but for real, how is it already here?! 2014 will be over before we know it.

Per usual there is much rattling around in my brain. Per usual there is much I want to write about and much I also don't want to convey. Instead I've been focusing a lot of energy on appreciation.

As I type, I lay in the hammock wrapped in thick sweaters, blankets, and boots, protected under the covered patio in the case of any rain drops. The sky is beautiful blue however and full of flowing fluffy white clouds. The trees from the backyard are still full of leaves although the neighborhood leaves are changing to their golden oranges, yellows, and brilliant reds. Anna lays on the patio contentedly while Roxi whines from inside in the moments she thinks she might be missing something. The chickens cluck from the coop annoyed to spend their Tues-Thurs unable to range free in the yard. Major & Roxi both just had trips to the vet but the final outcomes were hopeful and promising. I'm actually looking forward to doing a bit of grading from the comfort of my hammock cocoon this afternoon. Life feels......content, satisfied, and manageable.

I spent Monday in the yard. Cleaning out the coop, washing out the lil chick coop, moving all four of the chickens into the main one. Raking up pine needles and stuffing bucket after bucket of them into the yard debris barrel. Sweeping off the patios and rearranging all of the patio furniture. Moving the hammock and two chairs under the covered patio to hopefully extend their season of enjoyment. The yard was picked up, the cobwebs swept down, half the raised beds pulled apart, and the grape, kiwi, and marionberries trimmed back. Mental lists of additional yard chores to be completed in the coming weeks were created. The sun shone interspersed with moments of rain showers. After 5 hours in the yard, I'd headed across town to meet Tall D for our afternoon jog, to shower, and to meet a colleague for dinner. Thus the season of prepping, storing away, adjusting, and yet appreciating and adoring is fully in its sway.

At the moment I'm feeling grateful. I start my new (and final) learning term tomorrow evening. I'm enjoying the students that I'm teaching. I've connected with some great gals from my massage program and I've been re-engaging with my other local friends also. Book club comes in a few weeks and somehow I managed to devour five books last month. A new kayaking outing and a hike with an old housemate is on the docket. My total social media usage is down which encourages my connecting via old standard text and phone with many of those that I most love. I finished off September strong in miles which leaves me with three 80 mile months ahead. I'm thinking about what to set for goals and hopes for the year ahead--what's truly realistic, what will be enjoyable, and what might be dreams that I need to let go of. I'm feeling like....life....the life that I've most my years dreaming of...might be truly possible.....even if it's going to take a mix of patience, striving, & acceptance to get there in the long run.

I'm back to praying. Occasionally I find myself in the Word. And on Sunday I went to church and was again greeted with a message that was so perfectly timed for what I needed to hear. Sometimes my faith feels....lacking.....but I continue to feel my heart working and my feet trying to steady upon a more "right" path. There's something about the fall that always brings me back toward His graces....

I'm hopeful that October will continue to find me....appreciating, adoring, and being content. Happiness can often be fleeting but striving for satisfaction is a goal worthy of creating. Much love to you and yours if you continue to be reading :)

Lay Your Burdens Down

Some days when your soul gets overwhelmed with its past burdens, you take to the woods...where you process, work out excess emotions, accept hard truths....

...enjoy beautiful water sources...

...relish happy dog faces...

...appreciate wildflowers holding tight in unlikely places..

...soak up needed shady patches...

....relish the multiple wildflowers along the trail...

...finally at a past view point, you might choose to talk to God...

....and read a final chapter in your book while lunching back along the river...

....and then finally, finally...choose to lay your burdens down...to truly hand them over to a source more powerful than yourself...and to trust that you are not a product of only what was and that life will present you with what you need.

What overcomes you is relief, lightness, happiness, and stability.

What a great place and time to finally lay old burdens down.