Fall 2015 Hikes & Portland Hiking

One thing I'm pretty serious about trying to maintain is self-care. Last term was much busier and I felt way more stressed adjusting to the new job than I had hoped, but I still tried to get the dogs & I on some sort of a trail at least 2x a month. Some hikes were with others and may or may not have included the dogs. But nothing restores me quite like being deep in the woods, hanging out with God & creation, noticing the changing seasons, recognizing how small I am in regards to the planet, and enjoying the pure happiness that the dogs exude. Almost all of these locations (minus Lewis River) are 1.5 hours or less from my front door.....which might just be yet another advertisement for why Oregon is an incredible place to live (although the secret is out...Oregon no longer is a hidden gem)...

Larch Mountain (14 miler in the Gorge, 7 miles up & reverse, start at Multnomah Falls):

Angel's Rest to Devil's Rest (12 miler in the Gorge):

Eagle Creek to Tunnel Falls (12 miler in the Gorge):

Gayles Creek (Tillmook Forest 6 mile trail run):

Council Crest (4 miles in the city):

Lewis River (14 miler in SW Washington):

Twin Lakes to Frog Lake (8 mile loop near Mt Hood):

White River (3 snowy miles, base of Mt Hood): 

Palmeer Pt/Barlow Road Loop (6 snowy miles near Mt Hood):

I feel incredibly fortunate to live where I do and to have the ability to manipulate my schedule at times to allow for us to get up to a trail head midweek. (Although what I typically don't mention is that I do a lot of prepping & grading on weekends....and that Roxi is a bit of an aggressor sometimes so we prefer weekdays when it's less likely to have lots of extra people/dogs on trail to deal with :))

I get a lot of requests from friends or people new to Portland looking for a decent hike to go on, and truthfully I have several main standbys but I also frequently use a variety of backpacking/trail books and oregonhikers.org to find new options. If you want Gorge specific hikes, look here. If you want Mt. Hood specific hikes, here. I've used the site for five years now and while not all the descriptions are always 100% on point, it's still been an incredible resource. The site used to be more Portland specific, but I've been glad to see it branching out to the entire state of Oregon, as there is SO much more to the state besides just this area. (Can you tell I'm originally from a smaller town in Oregon?!) :)

My standby trails without a doubt are: Gayles Creek & Wilson River Trails in Tillamook Forest, as they're the closest lengthy forest trails to me. Forest Park's trails are technically 10 minutes closer but they're heavily traveled by people these days (although they're great for trail running)....

In the fall I typically hit up Eagle Creek once, also heavily popular (although less so in fall) and a major backpacking trail in summer. Once a summer and at least once a winter, I travel the Twin Lakes loop. At least once a winter I also do White River, but if you go on the weekend it's a challenge to bypass the families that are having a fun time sledding here too. Once a year, I also tend to do one of the Multnomah Falls options. The rest of the time I try to find something new in SW Washington, the Gorge, or near Mt Hood...unless I have the time & money to make a trek over to Central (3-4 hours away) or Southern Oregon (4+ hours) :) Not all trails are always well signed (it's a good idea to have an actual trail map from a store like REI) and I'm not going to lie, even with the trail "skills" and numerous miles on trail that I have I can't count the number of times I've lost the next leg of the trail (downed trees, snowed over, darkness, overgrown trails, etc) and had to contemplate backtracking before being able to navigate my way on. Next major purchase once I have some debts paid off might just be an expensive GPS system to load maps on....

But altogether, always stoked to get us to a trail head and to start venturing onto a trail. Here's hoping we can get weekly or every other week hikes in this term!

Talk About an Amazing Day

Today was the first day of the new term. Yesterday we received an inch or so of snow, followed up with some melting, an afternoon and night of freezing rain, and a night/morning of freezing temperatures. When this happens in Oregon (west of the Cascades), we cancel classes & offices and we stay home. Ironically, a handful of days ago I had posted something on social media requesting a snow day for today (Monday). At that time snow was not in the forecast....but here we are...and I'm not going to lie, today has been absolutely amazing.

I spent yesterday going to church, running errands, and eating lunch at my aunt's so I could visit with my cousins. In the afternoon the dogs and I headed out for a snowy jog which soon included freezing rain, and ironically it was a MUCH better feeling run than compared to the two days prior. I spent the evening finishing up a home project and then finalizing prep for the courses I was to teach today. As of when I went to bed last night, we were projected to only have a two hour late start this morning....

....so I got up as if I was going to go to work & also have time to make copies prior to teaching. Since I'm trying to get better about eating out less, I got up early with enough time to make a solid breakfast and also make a real meal to take to work with me. Thirty minutes into the morning, I got the email that the campus would be closed today, so then I started cooking....literally :)

I decided it'd be a good idea to spend part of today preparing food that I could eat throughout the week. (When Reg D was here we prepared a lot of food that fed us for multiple days.) I need to get in a better habit of trying to meal plan, shop for the plan, and then cook in excess so I can eat multiples throughout the week. I know I'd save time, stress, and money if I would do this, but I have yet to ever actually get in the habit. Thus, this morning I threw a couple extra salmon fillets and another sweet potato into the oven, and later this afternoon I peeled a huge pan full of different root vegetables that I had on hand and roasted those as well. Yesterday I'd picked up the remaining ingredients I needed to make a Shrimp & Chicken Gumbo recipe I'd found on pinterest, and at least an hour of this morning went to making it. I also fixed an extra large batch of couscous to serve it over throughout the week. -And I have to tell you, the Gumbo is amazing--so tasty!

For this week I have:
--Spinach, red cabbage, cilantro, broccoli, sunflower seed, & dried cranberry salad
--Salmon fillets & baked sweet potatoes
--Gumbo & Couscous
--Roasted root veggies
--Chopped up veggies & hummus and dried fruits/nuts for snacks
Pretty stoked to not have to think of what to eat for a few days, minus breakfast, which I prefer variety for anyway.

This morning I also emailed my grad students and assigned work for them to complete prior to next week. We should still be in good shape and hopefully ready to role for the second week of the term.

The rest of the day was also equally rewarding. In the afternoon I finally uploaded all the travel and fall photos off my phone onto the computer, did a yoga session & some other exercises, used the foam roller to loosen up the muscles and fascia around my core and quads, picked up the house, relished a hot shower, and now I'm settled in front of the fire with a glass of wine. This evening I plan on reading for fun/work and maybe watching a documentary on Netflix.

While it probably would have been better to have had today as our official start to the term, I've thoroughly enjoyed what the day has allowed! So happy!

A Fun Crawfish Friday

Blog catch-up time :)

Two weeks ago, we were headed into a full sunshine and heat weekend. Since it was Thursday I asked one of my massage clients what she was planning on doing for the weekend and she told me all about local crawfishing and how I should go. After spending a few years in Louisiana, I couldn't help but get excited.....and I went and bought a crawfish trap at Bi-Mart right as my shift ended :)

I spent the evening researching the best spots to crawfish and what regulations might exist. (Which there are none if you're doing it for sport.) I had seen a few posting that mentioned that the Wilson River had crawfish which was perfect as that's where the dogs and I do a lot of hiking. I figured that we could hike a few miles and then the dogs could relax on the river bank while I put the trap in and lounged reading.....

....except when I arrived to the trailhead I had in mind, the Forestry gal told me that the Wilson was too fast moving and that the Nehalem would be much better. The Nehalem had been mentioned on the forums also but was 45 minutes away. I decided to get the dogs on trail for a few miles and think on it. My feet were still recovering from my backpacking trip so we only hiked up and in about two miles and then ran back out. There were several guys on trail mountain biking and it's always entertaining to hear grown men hollering like lil boys as they excitedly come around corners ;)

When I came off trail, I decided that it was a nice day for a drive, so I loaded the dogs back in and off we went. We made it to the campground the gal had suggested about two and I was able to get the trap situated and in the water within thirty minutes. I used chicken for bait and as soon as I put the trap in I could see the crawfish coming toward it....

.....but let me tell you....those crawfish are SMART! :) At one point I had  15-20 crawfish ON the trap. As in they knew they could just eat my chicken through the trap without going inside it. I was able to catch three by hand, but really wished that I had a small net to just scoop several more up. Eventually I tied the chicken inside in a way that they couldn't eat it through the sides...and of course they were less interested. At the end of the day I had only two crawfish inside the trap and one of those was smart enough to know how to swim out! Ha.

I came home with four crawfish....but it made for a pretty entertaining day anyway. I also struggled with whether or not to boil them up once I had them home. They just looked so sad in the bag on the counter and in reality you don't get much meat off a crawfish. So I seriously debated letting them go in the local creek by my house (which I found out later is either frowned upon or illegal...can't remember which), but eventually I sucked it up and just dropped them in.

Altogether I learned a lot, still felt proud to catch my own dinner....and now I'm pretty excited to go fishing with an old buddy of mine for free fishing weekend (June 6th and 7th). :)

Ten Awesomes as of Late

1. I'm on a salad kick. As in a salad almost every single day. In the summer, I'm not a salad fan. In winter, there's something I love about it. ALWAYS mixed greens with chopped veggies, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds. Today had an egg and fried asparagus thrown on top. Two days ago it was orange roughy (fish). Sometimes it's chopped up steak. Sometimes it's just veggies. But I'm in salad love lately :)

2. The library card makes my heart happy....even if I overdue it and usually have to renew my books at least twice before I get them all read. Still two in but hope to get going on some of the rest here soon! SO glad to be reading for fun again and continuing to learn in my fields in the process. 

3. I made it to the mountain for one snowboarding lesson last week. I ended up realizing that I will probably never be willing to learn toe side. Even though my instructor seemed to think that you can't snowboard only going heel side, apparently people do it. Needless to say I bailed out of my lesson early before I became rude to the instructor, but I had a great time just being up on the mountain soaking up the view, trying to learn a new sport, and drinking a cider on the patio in the sun in the long run. :) At this point most the snow we had is gone again, if we get enough then I might give it one more shot but we'll see what the weather produces! 

4. These chickens. They are SO fun watching them flap, peck, and run around the yard. I seriously am becoming attached to these funny lil ladies and am totally enjoying their almost daily eggs. I'm not completely in love with their incessant noise at 6am and 7am as the day begins however...and I'm hopeful the neighbors aren't too upset about it. (I left a dozen eggs on their doorstep with a note today.) Sometimes I don't feel like I'm a farmer...and then I realize that I partially am...

5. Some mornings you wake up and you just know it's going to be a good & productive day. That's been the case a couple days in the last week. But one of the most awesome things was that a stop at the thrift store scored me the find below! I'd been eye balling this sucker at Target for a couple months and because this one ended up with a small gouge on one of the arms it was sent to the the thrift store. Yep, I'll take it! It will be on my walls in the next month or so :) (And yes, I know it would have been way cooler if it wasn't actually from Target... Ha! :))

6. I also scored two new great shirts. I've been wanting a plaid like shirt so was glad to finally find the one on the left and then the one on the right was awesome for Valentine's day :) Both are comfy, fit well, and wash-and-wear ready.....always requirements! 

7. I was recently gifted the below print from an old friend. The cousin of one of our hometown friends was selling some art work, so he purchased a variety of prints. This one is a picture of the cape where I spent most of my childhood summers (and where the family beach cabin is located). I've been desiring some changes in the house and art work is such an easier way to do that. Scored the frame on sale at Joanne's for $10 also! The photo is amazing and it's great to feature another local artist on my walls. 

8. These two. Need I say more? Look at their lil faces :) These two bring me joy every.single.day. 

9. We've been having such nice sunny weather this week/end. Although this potentially doesn't bode well for our water levels in summer and wildfires.....it sure has been nice to do some of my grading curled up in the hammock on the back patio with the dogs and chickens milling about.... 

10. Oh Valentine's Day :) Best bud and I dragged another one of our buddies out with us and took on the night with as many non-Valentine activities as we could think of. ;) We grabbed cheap night happy hour at a BBQ joint, played three games of bowling, drank lots of brews, and then walked to a local dive bar that I'd been wanting to go to and played a couple games of pool. Altogether it was a lot of fun together and a great way to pass the evening :)  

Life feels pretty scattered and all over the place right now due to the abundance of different things going on, but there are so many amazing moments and connections in the midst of all the various pots boiling. What are some of the awesomes you've been having recently?

An Epic 24 Hours

Seriously, somebody pinch me....because life is just...well, pretty darn incredible. 

I'm truly starting to believe that what you ask from your heart for the universe to provide...well, sometimes it really does show up...and even more incredibly than you could have imagined. 

Case in point: I've been wanting to go to a Blazer game and a Winterhawks game. Winterhawks game is in progress of being scheduled....but Monday afternoon I randomly got a spontaneous text from a friend asking if I wanted to go to Monday night's Blazer game...in club level seats...for free. Uh..yes, yes I do! :) Seats were better than any I've ever had nor could have imagined...and the game was a blast! I had so much fun and the Blazers even won :) 

Case in point: Tuesday morning I had another meeting regarding Africa and international health career contacts/options...and I'm STILL expecting to be told that I heard that whole conversation/informational interview wrong because what I heard sounded a lot like an offer of how to go to Africa this summer AND that the whole trip/opportunity could potentially lead into an actual job option...in my dream field...at one of my ideal institutions...and that it would also potentially make all my varied career paths come full circle and connect.... Yup, pinch me......because even if it doesn't pan out..I am so incredibly fortunate and grateful for the offer and this.very.moment that life is presenting...

Case in point: After the Tuesday meeting, I had the dogs in tow so we could go explore the rain break/fresh powder that had arrived briefly on the mountain. We checked out some new trails....and for the first time in a long time, I didn't rush us or care about miles. Instead we just wandered down various new trail options, walked a bit on an old historic Oregon wagon road, and then went 2.5 miles on the PCT trail which included so much beautiful hazy fresh powder...that again, I just kept thinking about how this life...this is what I want to be living....this is what makes me feel alive...this.IS.it. I'm currently living that motto that hangs on my wall: "Living the Life I Love" and "Loving the Life I Live." On these trails, I look around at the beauty that surrounds me, I feel the peace in my soul, I hang out with God (and talk or don't talk)...and I just feel good..happy...settled...arrived. This.is.it.

Barlow Pass Highway

Barlow Pass Wagon Road

We discovered a little something special left on the PCT.

Epic, epic 24 hours :)

October.....

Wowza...I love October but for real, how is it already here?! 2014 will be over before we know it.

Per usual there is much rattling around in my brain. Per usual there is much I want to write about and much I also don't want to convey. Instead I've been focusing a lot of energy on appreciation.

As I type, I lay in the hammock wrapped in thick sweaters, blankets, and boots, protected under the covered patio in the case of any rain drops. The sky is beautiful blue however and full of flowing fluffy white clouds. The trees from the backyard are still full of leaves although the neighborhood leaves are changing to their golden oranges, yellows, and brilliant reds. Anna lays on the patio contentedly while Roxi whines from inside in the moments she thinks she might be missing something. The chickens cluck from the coop annoyed to spend their Tues-Thurs unable to range free in the yard. Major & Roxi both just had trips to the vet but the final outcomes were hopeful and promising. I'm actually looking forward to doing a bit of grading from the comfort of my hammock cocoon this afternoon. Life feels......content, satisfied, and manageable.

I spent Monday in the yard. Cleaning out the coop, washing out the lil chick coop, moving all four of the chickens into the main one. Raking up pine needles and stuffing bucket after bucket of them into the yard debris barrel. Sweeping off the patios and rearranging all of the patio furniture. Moving the hammock and two chairs under the covered patio to hopefully extend their season of enjoyment. The yard was picked up, the cobwebs swept down, half the raised beds pulled apart, and the grape, kiwi, and marionberries trimmed back. Mental lists of additional yard chores to be completed in the coming weeks were created. The sun shone interspersed with moments of rain showers. After 5 hours in the yard, I'd headed across town to meet Tall D for our afternoon jog, to shower, and to meet a colleague for dinner. Thus the season of prepping, storing away, adjusting, and yet appreciating and adoring is fully in its sway.

At the moment I'm feeling grateful. I start my new (and final) learning term tomorrow evening. I'm enjoying the students that I'm teaching. I've connected with some great gals from my massage program and I've been re-engaging with my other local friends also. Book club comes in a few weeks and somehow I managed to devour five books last month. A new kayaking outing and a hike with an old housemate is on the docket. My total social media usage is down which encourages my connecting via old standard text and phone with many of those that I most love. I finished off September strong in miles which leaves me with three 80 mile months ahead. I'm thinking about what to set for goals and hopes for the year ahead--what's truly realistic, what will be enjoyable, and what might be dreams that I need to let go of. I'm feeling like....life....the life that I've most my years dreaming of...might be truly possible.....even if it's going to take a mix of patience, striving, & acceptance to get there in the long run.

I'm back to praying. Occasionally I find myself in the Word. And on Sunday I went to church and was again greeted with a message that was so perfectly timed for what I needed to hear. Sometimes my faith feels....lacking.....but I continue to feel my heart working and my feet trying to steady upon a more "right" path. There's something about the fall that always brings me back toward His graces....

I'm hopeful that October will continue to find me....appreciating, adoring, and being content. Happiness can often be fleeting but striving for satisfaction is a goal worthy of creating. Much love to you and yours if you continue to be reading :)

The Unwinding of Summer

Summer is coming to a close.
My last two finals to take are tomorrow.
The last outdoor trek of the summer happens this weekend.
And what a summer it's been.

In the midst of all the current tiredness, I can't help but feel that I am so incredibly fortunate to be so tired. That all the moments of tiredness are and were so worth the moments with friends, with family, with movement toward the future, or with growth through goals.

So what were the highlights of Summer 2014?

1) I made it through another dual term. I taught three separate courses this summer-one of which was a new class for me. I thoroughly enjoyed my students this summer. I took four massage courses this term and I fell in love with many of the Eastern modalities. I'm registered for my final term. I'm scheduled and prepared for teaching this fall. I created a career plan that reflects the next two years and I know that I'm headed toward even more growth.

2) Per usual there were a lot of awesome outdoor adventures (all of which I wish I would have blogged about separately). There was a kayak outing on the Tualatin River, a solo SUP morning, and a day of kayaking with visiting friends. There were multiple solo day hikes, long day hikes with the ex-husband/Tall D as we reacquainted our friendship, and a few date hikes or runs with different dudes as well. There was a lot of running mileage as I continue to progress toward my goal of 900 miles this year. There was a women's weekend where I finally got to attempt surfing. There was the best back packing trip I've ever been on with one of my favorite massage school gals. There was a recent day of exploring Olympic National Park (with a hike, lots of driving, and a beach trek) with Tall D. And tomorrow he and I leave for a long backpacking weekend in the Wallowas in eastern Oregon.

At the end of our Herman Creek backpacking trip.

Short Sands surfing

3) There were a lot of awesome visitors! I had one of my best gals from high school in town for a night in August. Earlier summer included dinner/kayaking with one of my best gals from grad school and her boyfriend, my buddy R who relocated to Texas and I hiked in to float on a mountain lake, one of the housemates from last summer stopped by for dinner on his move to Seattle, one of my undergrad friends brought her husband for dinner while they visited to explore moving to Portland (they're moving here in December and returning for another visit in two weekends), and I met a favorite high school buddy and his fiance for happy hour when they passed through town. I also hosted local acquaintances who I don't get to see as frequently: an afternoon of tapas at the house with an old hometown mentee and her boyfriend and I happily reconnected with an ex-who-was-my-best-friend-for-years and his wife.

4) Granny celebrated her 103rd birthday! We celebrated per usual with a family BBQ on her actual day and the female clan tea party on Saturday. It's always great to honor the queen and to reconnect with many of the extended family who comes home to help celebrate.

5) I celebrated my 32nd birthday...and it was a phenomenal celebration this year. After all our history, Tall D still has a knack for making me feel especially special and appreciated on my day. This year I had my high school gal here during the weekend before my birthday and then on my actual day the two Ds and I hiked into a secluded lake and floated around in tubes with some beers. In the evening, I went out to my favorite Mexican restaurant with a handful of friends. And the day after my birthday, Tall D had gotten me tickets to one of our favorite soulful artists. It just so happened that one of my local gals and her husband also had tickets so we were able to connect with them at the venue. Such an incredible birthday this year--I definitely felt so special!

6) I dated someone new for several months and helped refine what I'm looking for and grasped a better idea of what matters versus what we think matters in the bigger picture. I had a lot of fun. I learned new things. I was amazed by the thoughtfulness he put into creating simple dates and at times I felt incredibly spoiled. ....and in the end, our timing wasn't right, the pairing was and wasn't right, and I decided to put dating on hold for a bit again...unless that "right" man falls in my lap of course. Har har.

A bonfire at the beach with the dude, dogs, brats, tunes.

7) I preserved a LOT of food. One of my personal goals for this year was to try to grow more and preserve more than any year before....and I am really happy with the outcomes, while also knowing that even bigger gains are possible in years to come. This year I canned: peaches, pears, salsa, pasta sauce, diced tomatoes, applesauce, pear butter, plums. In the freezer are: blueberries, raspberries, cherries, marionberries, strawberry freezer jam, kale, grapes, shredded zucchini, rhubarb, mint. This year I planted: tomatoes, zucchini, cucumbers, carrots, lettuce, kale, spinach, leeks, strawberries, brussel sprouts, cabbage, onions, peas, green beans, corn, and beets. The brussel sprouts got ripped out due to battling bugs that spread to the cabbage & eventually the kale, the spinach went to seed quickly, I battled with mean bee and yellow jackets nests (twice), I learned that co-planting snap peas around the tomato cages is a bad idea, the zucchini didn't seem to like it's new location, I can never keep up with the green beans in time, and my absolute favorite thing I grew were the beets. I also harvested grapes from the neighbors vines that I let go crazy over the fence, I replanted artichoke plants, I left the garlic alone, I picked mint/rhubarb/marionberries from the yard, and the kiwi is absolutely loaded (for harvesting in December).

8) There were a lot of chicken transitions and build projects. At the end of the summer I currently have four hens. Two separate batches of Americauanas with one gray hen from my original batch that produced her and two roosters and then two new brown hens that are still growing. There is also a lil black Banty that came from my middle hen acquisition attempt....and she's currently laying! :) Build projects included continuing to tweak the rebuilt/moved coop, indulging in a few hammock recoup sessions under the rebuilt arbor, and this summer also yielded a date day of demolishing and building compost bins from old pallets.

9) Beyond my long term massage classmate/housemate, there was a young housemate here for two months who desired lots of companionship and to see parts of Portland/nearby. I spent a lot of time in conversations with her and we also took trips to the Gorge, into downtown, and down to Silver Creek Falls. Her youthful energy was fun and reminded me a lot of a much younger version of myself. That gal is destined for some pretty great things.

Portland Rose Garden

10) In the down moments, I spent a lot of time continuing to reflect...on growth, on how to align opposing versions of myself and land somewhere in the middle, on where life might potentially head. I had a few great afternoons laying in the hammock or suntanning on the back patio. I watched a couple great documentaries and tore through some sessions with various books from the library. I met up and spent dinners/happy hour/coffees with some of my closest local Portland friends. I remembered to grant myself grace, to be comfortable with and proud of what I see when I look in the mirror, and to embrace the constantly evolving nature of life. And at the end of the summer, as tired as I might be, I'm again so grateful for a rewarding experience of life that passed along. While it might not have felt as epic or total fun as last summer, this summer felt pretty darn fulfilling!

Hope y'all had a wonderful last few months as well!

What a Great Day

Seriously, today was amazing. There was a whole lot of awesome. A whole lot of low key. A whole lot of lazy too. And a whole lot of moments when I just thought to myself "This is REAL life. This is MY life" and "I'm so in love with THIS life THIS moment." Life...in it's every day moments...man this is it, this is Pinterest worthy. :)

Things aren't perfect. But they never will be and I'm okay with that. But there are so many moments when I lay on my back patio and look around my yard, really see my amazing furry companions, appreciate the fluffy chickens sunning next to me or watch them peck around the yard, and take in the raised beds, the fruit trees, the coop coming together, all the simple, easy details of my existence....and I exhale and so deeply feel the fortune that I already have in this life. There is something about being just another element hanging out in my yard...that lets me feel the whole picture is already in completion.

Or maybe it was the moment this morning as I stood on my rental paddleboard and tooled around Ross Island, watching baby ducks & geese swim along their parents or wobble run along the shores, listening to the birds chattering excitedly among the trees, being happily greeted by all the fellow paddlers I crossed paths with, noticing the ebb & flow of conversation among the immigrant men fishing from the shore, the overcast morning being a perfect juxtaposition for the sunshine of the afternoon, and looking up to the hillsides surrounding that area of Portland just full of vibrant greens and SO.MUCH.LIFE.

Or maybe it was the time with family today via a Facetime conversation with my father & Granny this afternoon with Granny looking happy and chattering on about things on their end or the spontaneous dinner invite to my aunt's with my cousin after they came upon me during their evening walk while I was in the front yard weeding and pruning, and the great conversation that ensued with my aunt post dinner.

Or maybe it was the moments I allowed myself to indulge in just plain day dreaming about life, dreaming of what could be evolving, appreciating the awesomeness that already exists.

Regardless of the many other small things that also brightened, today felt like such an incredible day. The days aren't all sunshine & roses around here, but there are plenty of pretty amazing ones...and lots of reasons why they all have something to be grateful for.

Seriously, great day....

Spring Time is My Jam

Flowering tree outside the state building near massage school.

The view from the bridge looking down onto the Willamette River & Waterfront Park in downtown Portland.

"Tulip" tree from up the street...so messy but so beautiful!

Happy Monday y'all! So I'm just going to put this out there--I have a few more scheduled posts up my sleeve, but the new term starts tomorrow and there's no guarantee that I won't fall back off the planet until summer "break," but we'll see. :)

Last night I got back to my home, took in my surroundings, mowed the lawn, relished the flowering cherry trees, took the dogs on a jog, and then ate dinner while a breeze came though the open windows. It was 66 degrees and sunny! And here's the thing that came to me....the next 6ish months are totally my "on" time of year. I love the newness of spring--the showers, the flowers, the sunbreaks through the gray, the cool crisp mornings that lead into sunny afternoons. AND I love summer: the growth, the sunshine, the mix of excitement and laziness in the air, the smell of fresh cut grass and turned over earth, the warming of the river, the warm embrace that nature provides that encourages us to be active. AND I love the first few months of autumn too: the hot days of September, the beginning of the changing of the leaves, that feeling that there's a few more fun short-sleeved adventures to get in before winter. Seriously the next six months in Oregon tend to be incredible. I definitely still enjoy the winter, but late spring/summer/start of fall....that is totally my jam.

I honestly feel like this whole Lenten period has been so good for my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul. While I wouldn't say that I feel completely healed, I do feel much more in balance and closer to my truest sense of self than I have in a long time. I feel like my own internal winter is closing down as I head into the newness of spring, the awesomeness of summer, and the season of growth and enjoyment that is ahead. I haven't forgiven everything and everyone, but my heart is headed in that direction...and I'm trying hard to trust that life is going to work out for the better. I'm beginning to truly believe that some doors shut or were kept in holding patterns in order to allow a sense of what is important or maybe to kick butts back to their foundation...because truly I feel like the last few weeks have done just that--sent me back to my foundation.

For the first time since I moved to Louisiana almost five years ago, I feel like advocacy and steps toward environmental improvements truly are worth my time and energy. Yes, there are so many out there who don't care, but part of what I realized during my day of volunteering is that if I do nothing toward counteracting the steps of those who purposefully damage the Earth....then I'm really just continuing to be part of the problem. (And all this I say as I hypocritically drive around in my SUV, etc.) This re-engagement with the things that matter to me extends beyond just the environment though and has also reawakened in me the same drive (although slow and small at the moment) toward making a difference and trying to be a better example toward people in general. Whether that's doing more for the homeless, figuring out how to donate more time/money, reconnecting and healing my own family and friend relationships, or finally taking that trip to do some mission work in Africa. The jadedness that arose based on increased exposure to those outside my family and social circle has begun to dissipate and I'm feeling some of my old optimism return....even if this means needing to be surrounded by those of likeminds and optimistic energy in order to continue in this pattern .....and even if I still am unsure that I want to eventually reproduce biologically due to the state of the world and the general direction in which the environment is headed. :) At least, I feel compelled again to do something about it...

That middle picture in the set up top is an example of how things have been changing in the right direction. A few weeks before the end of last term, I made the decision to stop driving to massage school and to instead take public transportation. While it takes longer, it's actually a savings in money and allowed me to read for fun on the Max train. One morning as we crossed the bridge to the other side of the river, I looked up to see the view that I captured in that picture. Incredibly simple but yet so gorgeous and beautiful. I wanted the opportunity to snag a picture, so after class ended I walked the half mile or so back to that location and took several pictures...and from there I walked another mile or so through the streets of the city, following some of the streets I used to wander along back in the days of grad school. I used to love just being able to walk along downtown as my primary mode of transportation, taking in the sites, the people, and the seasons while allowing observations and thoughts to pass through my mind. This simple beautiful spring evening was incredibly restoring to my soul and again made me appreciate how its the simple enjoyments that truly are the most fulfilling.

Taking a month to be more gentle with my body was much needed and allowed me to run or hike just when I truly felt my muscles or soul had a yearning. Not pushing pacing was a strange change and giving myself LOTS of rest days was rejuvenating. While my sleep is still more miss than hit and my eating has been all over the board while on "vacation" the last few weeks (ice cream for lunch, say what?! :)), the acupuncture and Chinese herbs seem to be making a difference. I'm still not physically 100% but my body (and spirit) feels like it's healing in some big ways. Socially this month has been great as well as I've spent much more time reaching out and connecting with friends that are near and far. (Both my gals Christina and Caitlin are also heading back for trips again this summer...and I couldn't be more excited :)) I've also spent more time in communication with my immediate family and focusing on trying to heal some of the relationship issues that have been present. I've been very open with my parents regarding my processing and where I might need some assistance, which isn't always very easy for me to do as I generally don't like asking for help or admitting weakness. And spiritually I'm in a better place than I've been in months as well...and most days I feel God trying to tell me something or at the very least trying to get me to just trust the process. 

And that's just it...it's all still a process. There still are days where certain topics or random things make me get teary or choked up when communicating, but I've stopped trying to avoid these moments nor do I worry about changing the subject. As I work through certain issues (sometimes repeatedly, obviously), I'm allowing for stuffed emotions to be freed and new windows of opportunity to open. Holding on to hurts and hopes of the past doesn't help anyone, although I'm still needing to let go in MANY facets...and as mentioned I'm finding that in general the hopes for life that I had are still generally where I'd like life to evolve to at some point...just either solo or with a truer partner. I'm also well aware that in order for life to truly feel "stable," many, many, many things still need to line up and flow together in the next 6-9 months as well.

Honestly the best part of this whole process...has just been reconnecting and discovering an old friend...which was and again is...myself. Still evolving, still reconnecting, still forgiving, still knowing that I'll probably be an internal stress cadet for the next several months....but happy to see old parts of myself, to grant myself grace, to stand up for what I believe in, to not be walked on or taken for granted while still trying to internally love others, to begin to be proud of and comfortable in my skin, to know that while flawed, I'm still beautiful, intelligent, motivated, and simply doing the best that I can.

The ND/acupuncturist had mentioned that giving myself a deadline of Lent to work through everything might be a little unrealistic...and I definitely agree. I don't expect to have it all worked through and figured out, but already I'm incredibly happy with what has happened in all the various dimensions throughout the last couple of weeks. And I'm heading forward....looking forward to what I hope will be more positive changes and growth in the months to come--the months that tend to be my most favorite jam :)

Hometown Beach Run

My father's predictions of the weather are rarely off, but this morning luckily the sun showed it's face much longer than predicted. While the dogs and I had already put in some decent mileage Thursday, I decided that we needed to embrace the good weather and also do some mileage along the beach shores. Horsefall beach is more of your "true" beach with long open, flat coastline perfect for running and while I was in high school, they'd truck us athletes out for training by having us run mileage down the shore. Back in those days, 17 minutes one way was killer and I was counting down the minutes til we could turn around and head back to the bus :)

Today however was gorgeous:

With barely any other souls on the beach (although we did come across a handful of ATVers), the dogs had a blast just running free and we ended up going farther than I originally intended.

We ran until mile 4.4 where there was a sign posted for "no motorized vehicles, dogs, or kites beyond this point" and some big antenna were located there. I'd stopped to look for whole sand dollars and shells a couple times en route to the turn around (and did lots of processing of thoughts regarding dating, life, etc at this point as well) but we averaged a 9:44 or 10 minute pace into the wind. I knew my watch was about dead (and I left the charger in Portland), so was just hopeful that I'd make it close to the beach access spot where we'd parked before it finally shut off. (It died a mile out from the end which was good enough in my book!)

With the wind pushing us on and the sun on our faces, our return pace was 8:34 min/miles. With the tide coming back in, several times we ended up running through gentle waves, especially when I got hit by a decent sized one when I turned to wave to a passing ATV rider! :) About mile 6ish and once I'd no longer been looking, I glanced down at my feet and there it was...my almost perfect sand dollar. I scooped it up and held it gently in my free hand as we made the final distance back in. The timing of noticing it was perfect to the thought that had just passed through my mind....and I couldn't help but think to myself...."There it is, there's my heart (and my sign)...and solid and full it is...." There's a tiny, tiny hole but it's more than good enough for my liking.

And now, it's joined the other shells and collected items that reside in my car where they continually remind me of that which matters...the little natural, simple elements of life....that frequently appear just when we stop striving and pushing to make it so.