Well folks, I'm trying not to get too excited or hopeful about life BUT....there have been a bunch of good lil things happening and being put into motion as of late.....
1) I applied to massage school. I have a meeting with admissions on Tuesday. I have to trust that I can afford it...and I'm still not 100% sure, BUT I'm hopeful in so many ways that this might be a great answer. I had a great meeting with a most beautiful woman who is a practicing therapist and that helped rid some of my concerns. I'm excited by the notion of learning something new and being able to help others via therapeutic touch.
2) I spent a weekend at my parents place that was well needed. Good for my soul...and I split the cost of driving with an old buddy R and we had a great time on the drive together. Also saw my gal Brook before she moved out of there and was able to enjoy a bit of the Blackberry Arts Festival.
3) I rented out both the rental room AND the guest room again for the rest of Sept-Dec. I have two gals that will transition in mid-month as the two guys transition out. I am holding my breath that this works out as intended and that the three of us mesh well.....but by renting out both spaces, I have much more of my financial needs covered.
4) Original housemate M is back in country for two weeks and we had an evening to touch base and chat. We came to a couple of agreements about when he intends to move back and how long he intends to be here, so again, hopeful that all will go smoothly. He'll be here later this week for another overnight in the guest room before he flies back out for Taiwan.
5) Current housemate T and I completed the rest of the Spring Water trail by bike, which was 30 miles and definitely the furthest I've rode a bike in a long, long time if not ever. It was a great day though and I'm glad to have crossed that off of my summer list! I also finally bought a helmet and lock, so hope to be able to use the bike for some close-by errands more readily.
6) Tall D rented paddleboards for the long weekend and we've spent the last two days practicing while driving around the area looking for smooth water! We're headed out again tomorrow but I'm seriously in heaven that he was able to pull this off :) Seriously, all smiles. We were planning originally to try to do an overnight backpacking trip, but I have been having an off week health wise so he decided we should stick around and not push it so hard (although I still got in my final 14 miles to make my 60 average a month goal! :)) This week we also spent a day down in Salem at the State Fair and we had a lot of fun! We checked out all the farm animals, rode the fair gondola, indulged in delish fried fair food, rode some rides, played some games (and I won the dogs stuffed puppies!), watched a dog demonstration, listened to some free music, and all around just enjoyed feeling like teenagers again. And I have to say....regardless of what all this time together means....this week, I've felt very, very spoiled and really just have had a great time.
7) My landlords are replacing the falling down corner fence....and the new roof was put on the house this month as well. We've also had some rain so my need to constantly water bushes/garden has lessened.
8) I'm continuing to be in love with trail running :)
9) My boss is switching out one of his 4 credit classes for one of my 3 credit ones. It'll be a lot more grading, but it also means between $500/1000 more this term. Have I mentioned that I love my boss? I also finally met up for dinner with a colleague who has been wanting to get together, and it was great getting to listen and get to know him a lil bit better. Still have full-time apps out as well....
SO again, trying not to get too hopeful in case of backfires or none of these good things actually pans out.....but I'm finally feeling a little bit of potential parting of the clouded skies....
....and there may have been a major worried plea to the Big Man that was lifted up while at my parents...my heart is slightly turning....
Showing posts with label Fearless 2013. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fearless 2013. Show all posts
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
June Update
I mean really....let's just throw almost all of June into one major post :) Especially since the month is just about over.
So let's see, let's start with well, FUN:
--There was the rafting trip....which was AWESOME.
--Then there was a 2-3 day trip to the beach house with my sister & mom..also awesome.
--More yard work and a quick visit with the landlords who are thrilled with the changes to the yard so far.
--Tea with Angie (the old housemate) up at Washington Park overlooking Portland.
--Dinner out with C to authentic Thai: Pok Pok.
--Today's rainy uphill hike up to Kings Mtn Summit with Tall D.
--Attending the Timbers game with Luke, his lady, & her brother.
--Evenings out over beers with D or Tall D....and a movie & pizza night in w Tall D.
--Hosting my aunt for an overnight...and a quick visit with another aunt in Poppa's rose garden.
--Regular visits with Granny.
Still to come:
--Another happy hr with my gal E.
--Helping my cousin pack for her trip to Hawaii and finally being able to visit.
--An overnight backpack trip later this week with newest friend from raft trip, also D.
--My gal Christina's visit this weekend and my gal Caitlin will be in PDX mid-July as well.
To say that I've been "living it up the last two weeks" is an understatement, but I recognize that this type of freedom of time/energy/etc is probably somewhat limited.....
Which brings me to job update:
--Interviewed for a great option an hour outside of Portland last Tuesday. I LOVED the team who interviewed me, the town, and what the job would be doing. It'd be a great career move and the pay will cover what I need. The downsides....are that I'd have to move and I'd have to give up most my teaching. Should hear back in next day or two.
--Ironically I did not take the first job offered....because I was shockingly offered the job in my hometown....but the pay was not going to be enough. And if I'm honest it was in an area of health that I wasn't super excited about. I hemmed and hawed for two days but in the end I knew that I couldn't survive on their pay....since it was the same as what I'm making working part-time now.
--Had 2nd interview for my old job last week. Left unsure. I don't feel that many of the concerns I had when I left have been fixed or addressed and that makes me leery. Find out tomorrow probably. Not going to voice everything on here about that job currently.
--Technically my application is still being processed for the worksite wellness job that I'd really hoped to hear about....but I don't think I'm going to hear anything about it. Most the rest of my applications have stopped being considered. I found another job today at a different county to apply for as well as a few other ones.
--For the first time in a long time....I'm talking to my parents multiple times a week to keep them up-to-date on the job and life front. Trying to decide currently if it'd be worth it to take a job I know will leave me stressed all the time and burnt out (and knowing I need to make a 2 year committment to it) or if I can trust the world enough to provide something else instead..... last time I trusted, I burned.
--New term started today for the one online course I'm teaching this summer.
Housing:
--Ironically, if I don't move, then I already have a potential new housemate who wants to move in as of July 1st. Younger guy with an internship at Intel. His timeframe would fit perfect with M's being gone, as M would return just as this guy would be leaving. (M's doing alright still btw!) I'm to let him know tomorrow.
--Falling out with current short term housemate occurred and she's pretty much been pouting/refusing to interact with me for a week now. All I can do is sort of laugh about it.....and hope that her apartment gets renovated sooner rather than later, so that maybe she'll be able to transition out early instead of mid July. (For the record, it had to do with me putting my foot down about dog after he had another horrible accident....no more dogs or smokers...no exceptions.)
--The idea of moving is both enticing....and exhausting! :)
And that's been about life in a nut shell. Add in a lil patio sunbathing when we've actually had sun, the animals are all doing alright currently, work meeting tomorrow, and just staying on top of all the details! Definitely been lots going on!
So let's see, let's start with well, FUN:
--There was the rafting trip....which was AWESOME.
--Then there was a 2-3 day trip to the beach house with my sister & mom..also awesome.
--More yard work and a quick visit with the landlords who are thrilled with the changes to the yard so far.
--Tea with Angie (the old housemate) up at Washington Park overlooking Portland.
--Dinner out with C to authentic Thai: Pok Pok.
--Today's rainy uphill hike up to Kings Mtn Summit with Tall D.
--Attending the Timbers game with Luke, his lady, & her brother.
--Evenings out over beers with D or Tall D....and a movie & pizza night in w Tall D.
--Hosting my aunt for an overnight...and a quick visit with another aunt in Poppa's rose garden.
--Regular visits with Granny.
Still to come:
--Another happy hr with my gal E.
--Helping my cousin pack for her trip to Hawaii and finally being able to visit.
--An overnight backpack trip later this week with newest friend from raft trip, also D.
--My gal Christina's visit this weekend and my gal Caitlin will be in PDX mid-July as well.
To say that I've been "living it up the last two weeks" is an understatement, but I recognize that this type of freedom of time/energy/etc is probably somewhat limited.....
Which brings me to job update:
--Interviewed for a great option an hour outside of Portland last Tuesday. I LOVED the team who interviewed me, the town, and what the job would be doing. It'd be a great career move and the pay will cover what I need. The downsides....are that I'd have to move and I'd have to give up most my teaching. Should hear back in next day or two.
--Ironically I did not take the first job offered....because I was shockingly offered the job in my hometown....but the pay was not going to be enough. And if I'm honest it was in an area of health that I wasn't super excited about. I hemmed and hawed for two days but in the end I knew that I couldn't survive on their pay....since it was the same as what I'm making working part-time now.
--Had 2nd interview for my old job last week. Left unsure. I don't feel that many of the concerns I had when I left have been fixed or addressed and that makes me leery. Find out tomorrow probably. Not going to voice everything on here about that job currently.
--Technically my application is still being processed for the worksite wellness job that I'd really hoped to hear about....but I don't think I'm going to hear anything about it. Most the rest of my applications have stopped being considered. I found another job today at a different county to apply for as well as a few other ones.
--For the first time in a long time....I'm talking to my parents multiple times a week to keep them up-to-date on the job and life front. Trying to decide currently if it'd be worth it to take a job I know will leave me stressed all the time and burnt out (and knowing I need to make a 2 year committment to it) or if I can trust the world enough to provide something else instead..... last time I trusted, I burned.
--New term started today for the one online course I'm teaching this summer.
Housing:
--Ironically, if I don't move, then I already have a potential new housemate who wants to move in as of July 1st. Younger guy with an internship at Intel. His timeframe would fit perfect with M's being gone, as M would return just as this guy would be leaving. (M's doing alright still btw!) I'm to let him know tomorrow.
--Falling out with current short term housemate occurred and she's pretty much been pouting/refusing to interact with me for a week now. All I can do is sort of laugh about it.....and hope that her apartment gets renovated sooner rather than later, so that maybe she'll be able to transition out early instead of mid July. (For the record, it had to do with me putting my foot down about dog after he had another horrible accident....no more dogs or smokers...no exceptions.)
--The idea of moving is both enticing....and exhausting! :)
And that's been about life in a nut shell. Add in a lil patio sunbathing when we've actually had sun, the animals are all doing alright currently, work meeting tomorrow, and just staying on top of all the details! Definitely been lots going on!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Back on the Up
....and you know how I know? Cause every.single.day this week (and 4x today alone) I've heard on the radio this specific country song that the ex used to put on his mixes cause he could never get himself to say the things the song specifies.....and you know what? I've just sung along and enjoyed the song, and most of the time the song is over 70% through before I even remember which song it is....
....but it also might be because I'm being proactive in life again. I'm making lists each day and checking things off as I complete them. I'm applying for jobs, I've posted and emailed for housemates, and I've called the neighbors to tell them that they're going to have to deal with my dogs again because I refuse to keep them cooped up inside when the weather's nice. I've told the naturopath that I took myself off all her supplements and I want a food-based diet "fix" and I've told them that I'm coming less frequently because I can't afford it. I've also told the ex that after not living here for seven months he needs to relocate the rest of his stuff or I'll donate it, change his address officially, and finally tell the military that we aren't married.
....or it might be because I'm doing things like hosting dinner parties solo, having real heartfelt honest conversations with my parents again, I'm reaching out to friends in ways I didn't for a long time, I'm socializing and being authentic in the process with where I am and what life used to be like and where I want it to go....
....I'm enjoying the sunshine falling through the trees and I'm opening the curtains and letting the light stream in. I'm cleaning off the patios, picking up the backyard, dusting the picnic table and envisioning a new stain color, and daydreaming of the summer hosting season and the potential for what could be in the raised beds.
....I'm making sure to take time among the uncertainties to enjoy life. I'm taking the dogs on afternoon jogs, spontaneously zipping T off to the soaking pool for relaxation (and to work on easing her concussion pain!), and enjoying those mid-week solo snowshoe opportunities.
...I'm being true to my professional goals and thinking about long term lifestyle desires. I'm responding to student emails asap and being an organized instructor. I'm emailing old supervisors to let them know where I'm at and how much I appreciate their support.
....I'm saying something to the big one upstairs each day, even if it's just a little hey G, don't forget about me please...you know the desires and hopes of my heart.....
....I'm gathering opinions, weighing them and holding them up to the light, and then making decisions for myself that make the most sense....and with that, I'm just going to put it out there...I totally went and created an online dating profile. My girlfriends are secretly looking forward to enjoying this vicarious experience without having to the be the one to do it, but let me just tell you.....in the last 24hrs, it's been great for my ego. I mean, obviously I shouldn't base my self-confidence off what other people tell me, but after being married to a man who for three years treated me more like his sister than a woman/wife, it's nice to get some validation that I just might sorta still be a catch. :) And no worries, I'm being level-headed about this...I'm looking at it as an opportunity to get to see what's out there again without really looking for the next big thing...and having to explain myself to others....sort of as a means to have to prove that I do still know myself. I know this might sound funny, but I'm seriously really excited about this experience....let's see if I still feel that way at the end of three months. (Oh ps my frugal side totally swept in too, because I ran a search for the site and promo codes and guess what....totally scored!) I've been joking about starting a second blog just to record the process of this whole experience but for now let me just assure that the dude who had a pick-up line of "hey fancy pants" in his email DEFINITELY got deleted...and led me to provide a few more specifics on who should not contact me.
....and I'm feeling my health stabilizing: emotionally, physically, spiritually, nutritionally, mentally. I'm making sure I'm getting enough sleep. I'm resting a few days each week on the exercise front AND finding that I'm feeling much better and recovering faster on the days I do exercise. I'm not monitoring my food or pouring numerous supplements into my body, but instead focusing on snacking on protein foods for mood stabilization and eating regular solid meals. I'm singing to the radio with the windows down. I'm scheduling my time and smiling. I'm surrounded by support of both family and friends...and regardless of how long this job process takes, today I'm feeling immensely and incredibly blessed....and its a great place to be again.
Life ain't perfect by any means and its not going to be, but the last few days I've been feeling better consistently. I'm looking at Fearless on that bathroom mirror and truly feeling that I might be feeling that way again. Hope y'all are doing well too---sending big hugs to each one of you!
....but it also might be because I'm being proactive in life again. I'm making lists each day and checking things off as I complete them. I'm applying for jobs, I've posted and emailed for housemates, and I've called the neighbors to tell them that they're going to have to deal with my dogs again because I refuse to keep them cooped up inside when the weather's nice. I've told the naturopath that I took myself off all her supplements and I want a food-based diet "fix" and I've told them that I'm coming less frequently because I can't afford it. I've also told the ex that after not living here for seven months he needs to relocate the rest of his stuff or I'll donate it, change his address officially, and finally tell the military that we aren't married.
....or it might be because I'm doing things like hosting dinner parties solo, having real heartfelt honest conversations with my parents again, I'm reaching out to friends in ways I didn't for a long time, I'm socializing and being authentic in the process with where I am and what life used to be like and where I want it to go....
....I'm enjoying the sunshine falling through the trees and I'm opening the curtains and letting the light stream in. I'm cleaning off the patios, picking up the backyard, dusting the picnic table and envisioning a new stain color, and daydreaming of the summer hosting season and the potential for what could be in the raised beds.
....I'm making sure to take time among the uncertainties to enjoy life. I'm taking the dogs on afternoon jogs, spontaneously zipping T off to the soaking pool for relaxation (and to work on easing her concussion pain!), and enjoying those mid-week solo snowshoe opportunities.
...I'm being true to my professional goals and thinking about long term lifestyle desires. I'm responding to student emails asap and being an organized instructor. I'm emailing old supervisors to let them know where I'm at and how much I appreciate their support.
....I'm saying something to the big one upstairs each day, even if it's just a little hey G, don't forget about me please...you know the desires and hopes of my heart.....
....I'm gathering opinions, weighing them and holding them up to the light, and then making decisions for myself that make the most sense....and with that, I'm just going to put it out there...I totally went and created an online dating profile. My girlfriends are secretly looking forward to enjoying this vicarious experience without having to the be the one to do it, but let me just tell you.....in the last 24hrs, it's been great for my ego. I mean, obviously I shouldn't base my self-confidence off what other people tell me, but after being married to a man who for three years treated me more like his sister than a woman/wife, it's nice to get some validation that I just might sorta still be a catch. :) And no worries, I'm being level-headed about this...I'm looking at it as an opportunity to get to see what's out there again without really looking for the next big thing...and having to explain myself to others....sort of as a means to have to prove that I do still know myself. I know this might sound funny, but I'm seriously really excited about this experience....let's see if I still feel that way at the end of three months. (Oh ps my frugal side totally swept in too, because I ran a search for the site and promo codes and guess what....totally scored!) I've been joking about starting a second blog just to record the process of this whole experience but for now let me just assure that the dude who had a pick-up line of "hey fancy pants" in his email DEFINITELY got deleted...and led me to provide a few more specifics on who should not contact me.
....and I'm feeling my health stabilizing: emotionally, physically, spiritually, nutritionally, mentally. I'm making sure I'm getting enough sleep. I'm resting a few days each week on the exercise front AND finding that I'm feeling much better and recovering faster on the days I do exercise. I'm not monitoring my food or pouring numerous supplements into my body, but instead focusing on snacking on protein foods for mood stabilization and eating regular solid meals. I'm singing to the radio with the windows down. I'm scheduling my time and smiling. I'm surrounded by support of both family and friends...and regardless of how long this job process takes, today I'm feeling immensely and incredibly blessed....and its a great place to be again.
Life ain't perfect by any means and its not going to be, but the last few days I've been feeling better consistently. I'm looking at Fearless on that bathroom mirror and truly feeling that I might be feeling that way again. Hope y'all are doing well too---sending big hugs to each one of you!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Fearless 2013: Beginning Update
Don't worry there won't always be weekly reviews but I just wanted to touch base to update on some things that have been going on regarding this idea of being Fearless in 2013.
However I'd like to take this opportunity to list out some of the ways I feel that I've already been fearless in the last half of 2012:
---followed thru with my word and visited my friends in GA and AZ using savings to get there
---took solo day-trip to fulfill my lifetime desire to further explore Charleston, SC
---took up running again and completed half-marathon distance on my own
---hiked to the summit of kings mtn with the dogs this summer and didn't worry about my fear of heights
---engaged in activities that make me uncomfortable: girls only backpacking, attending parties solo, branching out socially, went to a movie by myself
---agreed to the divorce and signed the papers; admitted defeat
---trusted God to provide and let myself be angry when I felt He had let me down
---turned down a job in belief that something better would present itself
---tried out new hobbies that I've always wanted to do
---asked for help via counseling, social support, and utilizing other health services
---calling out the ex, supporting him as I could, and ultimately cutting ties with him
Now, granted, not all of these choices have been the easiest and not all of them have put me in the best position. I have a decent chunk of change hanging out on my credit card due to not having additional supplemental income and as mentioned December was an internal steady decline BUT....that's part of the reason why I'm glad to be approaching 2013 as an entire year of Fearless and am working on MAKING more opportunities happen to meet my goals.
In the last two weeks (and this week especially) some decisions have been made:
---I've been trying to contact the AF Health Professional recruiters about becoming a Public Health Officer. This is something I looked into earlier last year also. Ironically, I'm maybe the only person in the world who struggles to get the military recruiters that I want to actually call me back. My three weeks of attempted contact (and my buddy that I sent to the office in WA) all have gone unanswered. But what I keep telling those I've shared with about this: when you're broke, bored, looking for a direction/challenge, enjoy telling people what to do, and think it'd be awesome to get paid to work out every day, joining the military is the perfect solution. The Air Force is definitely the route to go. Ironically the Navy is actively recruiting for similar positions but I just don't know how I feel about the Navy vs AF....and there's a good chance that this whole idea won't go anywhere anyway. I've contacted a lot of my vets or military friends and most of them think I'd do really well in the military....so we'll see.
---I un-enrolled from classes yesterday. I'd gone back and forth about this decision, but my final choice yesterday came down to two things. 1) I really want to pay off my debts rather than continue to accumulate more and 2) I don't want to go back to school until I really feel passionate that it's what I want to do. The last week I've had some funny dreams, some of which pertained to me sleeping thru or blowing off class---only further making me realize that I wasn't really into it yet. I didn't completely shut the door on the opportunity, as I emailed the instructors to let them know that right now wasn't the right time but perhaps in a year it might be. (Yesterday also saw me wondering if there might be a way to financially make it worth it to go back for my PhD.)
---I have applied for three daytime jobs to supplement my teaching position and am going to be consistently searching for others; all three of the positions thus far are incredibly different. One is management based and full-time, one is research based and part-time, and one is education/marketing based and full-time. Not sure any of them would pan out BUT I feel energized to keep trying until I land something to help me pay off the bills/debts and build up savings. I also have realized that I NEED something to distract me and to pour myself into beyond teaching, which is another reason I decided that this year I need to work rather than study.
---I had to text my parents and let them know that based on my decisions yesterday, I might have to suck up my pride and let them help me financially for a month or two until I can secure additional employment. Definitely not what I want to do whatsoever, especially since I was raised to be incredibly independent and I've been taking care of my own financial needs since I was 22 or 23. However as much as having to ask for help is difficult, I also recognize how incredibly fortunate I am to have parents that are able to assist, especially as I recognize not everyone has that option. I also recognize I'm incredibly stubborn, so just having them potentially going to help is extra incentive to get my butt in gear and secure an extra job so that hopefully their assistance was a suggestion rather than a reality-ha!
---Self-imposed challenges:
A) 2013 Clothes Challenge--already explained....
B) but really it's a bigger part of an attempt to FREEZE SPENDING. I really have more than what I need period...and all fall I allowed myself one to three social outings a week with friends because I knew I needed the social interaction to keep me going....but I'm not going to lie...that social interaction has been piling up on my credit card. SO while I'm still wrapping my mind around what this should look like, I'm trying to figure out how to spend incredibly minimally. It's so much easier to just make a standard "I'm not going to spend on anything other than groceries and gas...." but I also know that life doesn't always work that easily, especially when I'm a social creature with friends spread all across the city. Ironically yesterday worked out perfectly...as a gal pal called me in the morning and wondered if I'd come over for dinner---a great way to still socialize and not spend much (gas & a regifted bottle of vino). So again, this no spending goal is in development but is definitely on my radar.....here potentially comes a year (or at least six months) of socializing on the cheap...and not buying much of anything extra.
C) Reading through the Bible again this year. I'm not going to lie, my faith held me together initially during the divorce but Christmas found me questioning some things. Last time I read through the Bible in 2008, it was really good for my soul, balanced me out, and brought me further into a life of simplicity. I'm hopeful the same thing will happen this year, but regardless being in the Word almost daily (I have a tendency to read ahead on the plan) should be good for me.
---For now I've put counseling on hold. I recognize that there are still some things I'll need to work on, especially when I do start dating, but I honestly feel like between sessions I was processing through much of my realizations and issues already and really just reporting life to her when we did meet. I sent her an email yesterday to let her know my decision so we'll see what her reply thoughts are.
---Yesterday while looking for jobs, I also found a few potential volunteer options. Getting involved and giving back is something I want to engage in during this year of Fearless 2013.
There will be other items I know. But the items listed above are my biggest focuses currently for 2013. I know there will be new ways to push myself out of my comfort zone (skydiving?! even though it's against the no spending idea.....) and new physical challenges (maybe something other than running and Insanity, I'm starting to crave a new focus). I still want to follow-thru on my trips that I'd hoped to take as part of my Year 30 goals, even though I know it will be difficult to achieve. Part of this fearless year is going to again be trusting that life will work out but also realization that I have the strength to make this life be something also. It's not going to be easy to stay in this mindframe but I'm incredibly, incredibly hopeful...and really that's all I can ask for! Yesterday was the first time that I greeted someone with "Happy New Year" and I actually really, truly meant it.
Some great strides have been made and pondered on in this first week of January....
So here's looking ahead to the rest of a Fearless 2013.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Fearless: Heading Into 2013
Fearless.
It's the word facing me from my bathroom mirror, written in hippy eyeliner (a sweet little trick I tell my students about, as putting a quote or word there ensures that we'll see it and think on it multiple times a day). It's a word that cuts straight to my heart, pulls my shoulders back, boosts my determination and confidence, and makes me think about moving forward....straight into whatever 2013 has in it.
2013....not excited. Not sure why, but there's something about the sound or the view of the numbers of the year that just makes me think...."ugh." Ha. In the words of drunk John who shared a table with the housemate and his random friends and I to ring in the new year "let's bypass 2013 and cut to 2014." I agree, I have good feelings about 2014, while 2013 feels, in my gut, like the year that will hem..and haw....and continue to push me a lil more toward crazy.
2012...was a year of changes. Although while ringing in the new year just one year ago I never in a million years would have imagined where life would be now. Again our tablemates' sentiments ring true here "would you ever have thought you'd be sharing a table with us on this new years?!" Nope. And honestly one year ago today I was completely believing that the hub and I were on a gradual uphill swoop--things felt good and I'd never felt so totally like our lives were our own little family. New Years last year was a complete blast. BUT I've also spent the better part of this evening encouraging my housemate that "things happen for a reason" and that "changes that we don't want, only mean that there's something more or something better around the corner." I'm sure I'm equally saying these things for myself, as much as I am to encourage her.
Regardless of what was and what is.....we had a fun New Years--both of us wiped from the snowshoe trip leading up to a lazy evening. I wasn't going to let the housemate be home by herself on New Year's and I'd had a few offers of things to do this evening. (Ironically, I swear this is the year where it's dawned on my friends and I that we're slowing down---we yawn by 10pm and we want low key celebrations.) By 9pm we both had showered, snacked, rested, and we headed out for dinner and beers at McMenamin's Grand Lodge (one of several locations of a popular microbrewery in Portland), where free live music is routine. After a great dinner and some good brews, we made the circuit to check out which music venue would be best, and settled on a really awesome "show" in the quaintest little venue on the property. While sitting next to a roaring fire in a cozy lil cabin setting, we listened via front row to John Bunzow & Bobby Cole --absolutely great sound, great lyrics, and Bobby Cole's harmonica playing was amazing. About 11:20, the empty half of our table was joined by part of a group of highly entertaining folks, and we had quite a few laughs shared between us :)
2013--maybe not the year I would have expected, but a year full of opportunity instead. Looking back on this last half of 2012, I'm proud of all the experiences I created and all the goals I achieved, many of which were items I'd put on the back burner for years and many of which depended on me being fearless already. The hardest transition has been that of depending on others less and re-realizing that I can 100% depend upon, believe, and trust in myself.....maybe that will be part of a fearless year. However fearless already saw me travel to see many friends and follow through with my word. Fearless saw me learn to push myself physically and achieve my half-marathon goal. Fearless has seen me in uncomfortable social situations, trying new hobbies, and reaching out for help when I neared the bottom. Fearless has much left on its plate however.....and....
Fearless is somewhat inspired by this blog post.
Fearless is needed to remove the tension from my back and to encourage me to trust that all things will work out as they should. I'm still learning to listen, I'm still working on patience, and I've been continuing to think on where all this next year should go---lots of options, but no doubt it'll be down to the wire before any decisions solidify. Fearless might also make 2013 the year that I read through the Bible again, the year that I get involved in mission work, the year that I learn (again) to budget and to participate in a spending diet or fast. Fearless makes me believe in the actions of ordinary individuals. And fearless has me reflecting upon how glad I am to be doing things like showing my housemate aspects of Portland. Fearless has me applying to jobs and....really just believing that the right path will
be revealed.
Fearless ain't always easy......and fearless will need reminders, but fearless is exactly what I need as I move forward. Fearless.
So tell me what does 2013 have in store for you? Is there a word or any goals that you think will fit best into the year to come?
It's the word facing me from my bathroom mirror, written in hippy eyeliner (a sweet little trick I tell my students about, as putting a quote or word there ensures that we'll see it and think on it multiple times a day). It's a word that cuts straight to my heart, pulls my shoulders back, boosts my determination and confidence, and makes me think about moving forward....straight into whatever 2013 has in it.
2013....not excited. Not sure why, but there's something about the sound or the view of the numbers of the year that just makes me think...."ugh." Ha. In the words of drunk John who shared a table with the housemate and his random friends and I to ring in the new year "let's bypass 2013 and cut to 2014." I agree, I have good feelings about 2014, while 2013 feels, in my gut, like the year that will hem..and haw....and continue to push me a lil more toward crazy.
2012...was a year of changes. Although while ringing in the new year just one year ago I never in a million years would have imagined where life would be now. Again our tablemates' sentiments ring true here "would you ever have thought you'd be sharing a table with us on this new years?!" Nope. And honestly one year ago today I was completely believing that the hub and I were on a gradual uphill swoop--things felt good and I'd never felt so totally like our lives were our own little family. New Years last year was a complete blast. BUT I've also spent the better part of this evening encouraging my housemate that "things happen for a reason" and that "changes that we don't want, only mean that there's something more or something better around the corner." I'm sure I'm equally saying these things for myself, as much as I am to encourage her.
Regardless of what was and what is.....we had a fun New Years--both of us wiped from the snowshoe trip leading up to a lazy evening. I wasn't going to let the housemate be home by herself on New Year's and I'd had a few offers of things to do this evening. (Ironically, I swear this is the year where it's dawned on my friends and I that we're slowing down---we yawn by 10pm and we want low key celebrations.) By 9pm we both had showered, snacked, rested, and we headed out for dinner and beers at McMenamin's Grand Lodge (one of several locations of a popular microbrewery in Portland), where free live music is routine. After a great dinner and some good brews, we made the circuit to check out which music venue would be best, and settled on a really awesome "show" in the quaintest little venue on the property. While sitting next to a roaring fire in a cozy lil cabin setting, we listened via front row to John Bunzow & Bobby Cole --absolutely great sound, great lyrics, and Bobby Cole's harmonica playing was amazing. About 11:20, the empty half of our table was joined by part of a group of highly entertaining folks, and we had quite a few laughs shared between us :)
2013--maybe not the year I would have expected, but a year full of opportunity instead. Looking back on this last half of 2012, I'm proud of all the experiences I created and all the goals I achieved, many of which were items I'd put on the back burner for years and many of which depended on me being fearless already. The hardest transition has been that of depending on others less and re-realizing that I can 100% depend upon, believe, and trust in myself.....maybe that will be part of a fearless year. However fearless already saw me travel to see many friends and follow through with my word. Fearless saw me learn to push myself physically and achieve my half-marathon goal. Fearless has seen me in uncomfortable social situations, trying new hobbies, and reaching out for help when I neared the bottom. Fearless has much left on its plate however.....and....
Fearless is somewhat inspired by this blog post.
Fearless is needed to remove the tension from my back and to encourage me to trust that all things will work out as they should. I'm still learning to listen, I'm still working on patience, and I've been continuing to think on where all this next year should go---lots of options, but no doubt it'll be down to the wire before any decisions solidify. Fearless might also make 2013 the year that I read through the Bible again, the year that I get involved in mission work, the year that I learn (again) to budget and to participate in a spending diet or fast. Fearless makes me believe in the actions of ordinary individuals. And fearless has me reflecting upon how glad I am to be doing things like showing my housemate aspects of Portland. Fearless has me applying to jobs and....really just believing that the right path will
be revealed.
Fearless ain't always easy......and fearless will need reminders, but fearless is exactly what I need as I move forward. Fearless.
So tell me what does 2013 have in store for you? Is there a word or any goals that you think will fit best into the year to come?
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