Spring Virtual Coffee Date

Mmmmm.....coffee.... :)

If we were meeting for coffee:

---I'd ask what you've been up to, how your day/week/month/spring has been, and what's been on your mind lately? I'd probably feel a lil guilty for being so absent throughout winter's end.

--If you mentioned my hair cut, I'd tell you how it's a nice change but that I'm struggling to handle it in my face while running. About how much I love $15 haircuts at Great Clips and then leaving a big tip for the hair dresser. About how it took me 6 months to decide to chop it back off, since it sometimes can take years to regrow....and about how so many told me to leave it long, even though now everyone seems to love the new look :)

--I'd tell you about how nice it is to just be working one job at a time while alternate spring breaks are happening. About how I'm somehow teaching a fuller load again next term than originally intention-ed, but that due to scheduling and the actual classes I think it won't be as bad as this one. I'd tell you how nice it was to get in a kayaking class on Friday and spend two nights & a day back at the coast again. I'd daydream about heading over to central Oregon and mention my upcoming trip to the NE mid-April.

--We'd probably talk about the fact that I've re-immersed in socializing and how great it was to host 20 people in my home for dinner two weekends ago. What a joy it was to treat my cousin to happy hour this evening and how fun it was to hang out all St Patrick's Day evening with a buddy of mine in NE Portland. I plan to host another dinner in early June and just scheduled a girls brunch for mid May as well.

--I'm sure I'd mention how excited I am to see one of my gals in Washington DC prior to the work conference at Yale. How much I enjoy time with her and how great it will be to jog through the city with her in the evenings. She and our other mutual friend will also rendezvous in late September in New Orleans for a fun girls weekend, and that other friend and I also bought tickets to a concert in early September.

--I'd probably laugh a bit about how the calendar is already filling up from now until October (but I'd also sigh internally somewhat). I might sneakily mention that Reg D is in maybe status for still doing the Peacecorps and how much I miss regular chats with him. How much I've realized that he truly was a non-romantic partner....and how much his absence in my life has allowed me to realize the space that exists for an actual romantic partner.....which might lead into a conversation about how frustrating it can be at times to find someONE to date seriously and long term in one's 30s.....(and which there might be a whole entertaining blog post on this later). And how I've suddenly turned that window of life where not only am I really wanting a true life partner who is intent on a solid foundation and mutually shared vision for the future...but I'm googly eye balling every rolly polly baby as well.....

--I might mention how I've decided to use this total "waiting" period of life to start honing in on some of the additional skills that will help me longer term. I'm currently increasing my gardening skills and researching/expanding a medicinal herb garden in the entry way. This year I'm planting some new varieties of things (potatoes, herbs, more veggies) and I also hope to be able to get in some good amounts of preserving before I head out of country this summer. I'm also reading up a lot more on actual homesteading, DIY, and home remedy type of items. I'd truthfully really love to take a class on wildcrafting and local herbalism....

--I might mention that I think I've found a great in-state doctoral program option....but I still need to take the GRE and that I have time as I plan to work in my current position for at least one, if not two more years prior to doing a PhD.

--And truthfully I'd probably complain about the vast amounts of people who have discovered (and moved) to Portland. About how Portland isn't what it used to be. How gentrification has drastically altered original neighbors and pushed already disadvantaged populations out into the fringes. About how horrible traffic has gotten (and the roads beaten up) as the roads (and even the public transport systems) aren't designed for this many people. About how traffic accidents happen ALL.the.TIME these days and how impatient so many of the newer drivers are in the city. About how full trails in the Gorge and the route up the mountain can be....and about how much I miss the prior gem of the city....and how I'm not sure how long the city/suburbs outside of it will continue to sustain me....

There's a lot going on in this brain these days ranging from larger life plans (in pencil), constant immersion in global and environmental issues, daily health needs, half-marathon training, aches of the soul and deep prayers about some things, frustrations with teaching....and lots of brain power focused on trying to focus in on and appreciate the little things. The smallest joy of the moment that never fails to bring a peaceful mind and big smile?? Frogs croaking in evening creeks....it gets me every time :)

What's going on in your heart, mind, soul....in your neck of the woods?!

March, oh March

How did March already get here?!

So...I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Tired. Worn out. Not able to restock the energy piles. A tad bit anti-social. Several restless nights. And even though I hit 80 miles last month, my body doesn't show it. I imagine it's a mixed effect from too much work the first few weeks of the term and the non-stop nature of my new academic life, a lot of accumulated life stress in general, and a whole variety of other worries/items on my mind topped off with associated guilt for even letting these first-world problems matter to me....

I've been using Lent as a period of decreased social media engagement, which usually is a benefit, but this time around I'm wondering if it didn't disengage me too much. While I recognize that my hiking/running, social media use, overly social nature at times is a distraction technique...I'm also not sure that I'm any better off these days by NOT distracting. ie I've been thinking about things related to my ex on a daily basis, which isn't too outside the norm but it seems to have increased more in the last couple of months again. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really be able to shake that past situation. Best bud (Reg D) and I also haven't been talking much. His Peacecorps assignment got rerouted so he'll still be here for a few more months, but in truth we've rarely chatted nor spent time together since the new year. Which could also be part of what's going on, as in a sense, I've disconnected from my number one supporter....in order to allow space for what is to come...

But sometimes when you focus too much on the wanting of what is to come....you forget to be happy for the what is already here. Because there is so much goodness in my day to day existence, but when I let myself yearn into my bones for those newer unfulfilled wishes, then it tends to diminish how awesome of a life I've already arrived into. Life today is a far cry from the chaos and sadness of years prior and I truthfully need to remember to relish SO FULLY in all the aspects of that which I have already. Apparently, however, I'm great at non-stop striving for life to be more & better...and less amazing at truly being okay with being settled in a reality for a while. This has been a constant theme in my life...and one that I'm wrestling with how to overcome. I'm always itching for the next item of life to arrive...and once it does, I want it/us/me to be even better. I'm not good at staying "still" even when simple stillness is also exactly what I need & desire.

Today however I seemed to be practicing for fulfillment via simpleness:
--Woke up gently to sunlight through the glass door, a cat nestled in along side my body, and two dogs sharing the other half of the bed. My movements led the dogs to excitedly snuggle closer for our morning ritual of cuddles & kisses...and then I embraced a few more moments of dozing.
--Relished in the simplicity of a panel clad small church steeped in tradition. Inside it's door, one could connect with the multitude of generations that had worshiped in this space for over a hundred years while the rest of the suburban city bustled around about it. Inside it's door, I whispered old hymns, put voice to lines of passages taught to me in childhood, and for the first time in months, felt awe and relief at the experience of sharing communion.
--I allowed myself unfettered time on social media today: pinning homestead dreams, fashion, and simple living items to my hearts desire, sharing a multitude of various links on fb, and uploading a picture of my new window herb box into my IG account. Somehow the "connection" left me more fulfilled even if at times I was letting myself use it as a distraction.
--Rearranged & cleaned the patio furniture in preparation for next weekend's gathering, fed the birds, & relished bits of bird song, gentle rain, & slow sun breaks on occasion.
--I met my parents, granny, cousin & her husband at my aunt's for a mid-day meal of stew over mashed potatoes (totally amazing and oh so easy to make in a crock pot apparently!) and a couple hours of  great quality time together.
--No forcing of mileage and instead let my body rest, even with the dogs herding trials. The miles will get accomplished.
--Multiple loads of laundry washed and I thoroughly enjoyed the task of folding clean laundry today. Other items in cupboards got re-arranged, plants got moved, and the dogs got lots of individual attention.
--In the evening, I focused on grading each of my online student's assignments and appreciated the reality of how much they enjoy the feedback that gets left on their papers. I also searched for AirBnB options for my upcoming work trip in April. (and I should book my plane ticket, but I'll get to that....later...)

Within the mindful simpleness and recounting of blessings, even the deepest of funks can lift out of the moments....

I'm looking forward to the end of these final weeks of the term...and what's looking to be a potentially great trip to the east coast in spring. While my original plan was to hit up all the major cities in the week and a half on either side of the conference I'm attending, I'm feeling like it might be better to take a road trip to explore the coastline and countryside of those northeastern states that are more rural.... We'll see :) But a bit of flexed exploring, a bit of offgrid tempo, and some potential new greenery all sound pretty soul fulfilling :)

Things I'm Loving....

In the spirit of love day (but really isn't every day love day?!), I thought I'd actually check in long enough to share some of the many things I'm loving currently. In truth, there are way more than I could list here, as several times a week lately I've been crying totally blissed out, happy tears.

1) Having the house back: L moved out earlier than I expected (a bit before the end of January), but truthfully I have been SO ready to live solo again. The dogs and I have been loving sleeping with the bedroom door open, being able to turn the heat off during the day and leave the back door open so the dogs can come and go as they please while I'm at work, not having to worry about excess electricity usage (and hopefully seeing utility bills drop), running around in whatever I desire to wear without worry, and really just being able to have full run of the house as I desire. I rearranged the furniture (again) but I really am loving the current lay-out. And truthfully every single day, I'm just so incredibly happy to be living alone....and to finally have hit a financial place where it's even possible.

2) Budgeting & Meal Planning: Last month I decided to pinch as many pennies as I could and since I also tend to struggle with eating enough/well, I have been implementing the 1-2x a week shopping trip, 1-2x week meal prep, and limiting all other spending. I've cut back on social engagements so that I'm not really eating out (I give myself the okay once a week max). I'm trying to only fill the car up once a week also, so am mindful of hiking locations and errands, etc. I'm also being even more mindful of utilities than normal, buying in bulk when possible, and not allowing myself to go into any stores (other than for groceries). In reviewing last month's expenditures there are only groceries, gas, and regular bills.

3) Incredibly Rewarding Job(s): It's a BUSY term between the two institutions and the load I took on this term, but truthfully my job is so incredibly rewarding. It's challenging at times, but it allows me to interact with a wide variety of students and to work in the fields that I love. Next term will be a lighter load than normal, which also might allow me to fit in a few massages for the clients who have been requesting them.... I also had some great news land about work for next year that I'm really excited about although it will change my schedule immensely....and I'm also scheduled to return to Tanzania this summer, Argentina next December with students, and I get to venture to Yale's campus for a conference in April (which I'm pretty excited about both for the content and the fact that I've never been to the NE before!).

4) Other Travel Plans: Beyond the work travel, I just bought my ticket for a girls weekend in New Orleans in Sept, I'm planning on tacking on a week trip to see Reg D in his Peace Corps placement in Malawi after the Tanzania trip concludes, if funds (& work permits) I might also try to tack on a stopover elsewhere on the way back to the US, I potentially will get to D.C. this spring also, and I'm also hoping to get at least a long weekend trip in to see my gal Cait (& visit a potential PhD option) in Arizona.

5) Awesome Family Time & News: In January I had a lot of really wonderful moments with family. I hosted my dad & granny for dinner, had cousin A over for dinner a different night, celebrated cousin Ang's bday, had a coffee/tea gathering at cousin A's, met cousin M for coffee, had a great day getting my aunt up to the mtn & meeting cousin M & her hub for lunch, and had family dinner night. As much as I was less socially engaged friend-wise, I was also more family engaged. My dad also had some really awesome health news arrive that was pretty incredulous and I'm still beaming from it.

6) The Billion Other Little Things: Like a soaking wet hike up a mountainside today with an old friend. Like super warm days this last week that allowed me to get out in the yard finally putting the raised beds to "rest" from last fall and also adding compost & turning up the soil in preparation for planting this spring. Like seeing my credit card statement the lowest it's been in a looong time and knowing that it will be paid off in full in just a few short month(s)---even with a few items added to it this evening. Like registering for the Flat Traffic Half marathon for the 4th of July (even though I swore I'd never run another official half marathon). Like chopping 3 inches off my hair and refinding a bit of the random wave of my 30s return. Like glistening up & bringing out the cast iron for use in the kitchen again...and day dreaming of all the other "green" items that will be coming back into my life. Like seeing Dad's old picnic table, newly sanded, painted, and functioning as my main table finally fulfilling the dream of a "farmhouse" table. Like knowing financial "stability" is almost here (hoping, hoping!). Like finally reading a book for fun until 2am on a Thursday last week. Like polished tea kettles with no oil splatters. Like the awesomeness that comes when a student asks what else you're teaching so they can make sure to take you again. Like dinners of steak, red wine, and asparagus. Like stew in the crock pot & bread in the breadmaker while clothes dry on the laundry line. Like dogs who make you feel like you are the best thing that happened to their day. Like arroz con leche (aka rice pudding) sprinkled with cinnamon for an evening snack. Like finally unpacking some of Granny's old china. Like feeling like the house that you've (consecutively) lived in the longest in your entire life (aka this one) is finally a home. Like even in the tiredness and when reflecting back on the struggles, recognizing that life delivers you exactly where it wants you...and being oh so happy to be here.